TV & Gum Are Awesome

Damon and his fake ‘n’ bake say goodbye. (Photo courtesy cwtv.com)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! So.much.YES.

Spoilers! SPOILERRRRRRRRRRRRRS! Spoilers! SPOILERY SPLENDID SPOILERS! Proceed at your own risk…

OMGGGGGGGGGG! E’erybody was predicting that Elena would make the changeee early on (way back when the series was starting), but it’s been so off the radar as of late that it’s like we all forgot. Then last night’s finale happened! Can you say “game-changer”? O.M.G. What else is there even to SAY?

It’s no secret that the details on TVD have gotten confusing as of late. It’s messy, this life with vampires and werewolves and witches, friends! Klaus was captured, but not before he could switch bodies with Tyler (right?), so now Tyler is gone (mega-frowns), and Klaus lives on. And because Klaus lives on, NONE of those that he made into vampires are dead — and that’s GOOD because we’re still pretty sure that Stefan and Damon both fall into that category.

Nobody but Bonnie knows that it wasn’t Klaus who died in that coffin, which means there were SO MANY SAD MAYBE-GOODBYES in the mix here. The most heartbreaking? Obvssss Elena’s to Damon. Elena finally told Damon that it was Stefan who had her heart, and that maybe if they’d met first things would be different. CUT TO: Damon’s memory conjuring a long-ago chat with a pre-vampire obsession Elena. The two shared a cute little convo (heavy on the chemistry, too!), before Damon compelled Elena to forget. Which means… Survey sayyys: DAMON *DID* MEET ELENA FIRST. And that makes him want to die. I mean it doesn’t! It actually inspires him to fight off Alaric! And he’s winning! But… DUN DUN DUNNNNNN, he’s only winning because Alaric is dying! AND ALARIC IS ONLY DYING BECAUSE ELENA IS.

Ready for the plot twist? C’mon, you know it. E-Girl would be hella dead, except that Paul Wesley’s Wife (Name? There are too many characters, guys!) helped Elena through her little bump on the head — which turned out to be bleeding on the brain — by…

TURNING HER INTO AN EM-EFFING VAMPIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elena is finally a vampire! ALL THAT’S LEFT TO SAY IS, LET THE GAAAMES BEGIN!

Final thought: Yeah, also… Poor Tyler! Poor Rebekah. Oh, and poor Alaric. Man, this show…

Groan all you want: TEAM STELENA FOREVSIES. (Photo courtesy cwtv.com)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

I know there are many out there who will bemoan the fact that I’m starting this off with some STELENA LOVE… but dangit, I can’t help it!!! Okay, okay, obvs this episode busted the love triangle WIDE OPEN — like, it’s official, I get it! — but gawwwd, poor Stefan. I’m sorry, I love the dude. All the talk about “what he lost” by being stuck with crappy Klaus all those weeks/months/whatever it was, and the realization in that split second that Elena was no longer 100% his! HEARTBREAKING, GUYS! SUCH A BUMMER. (Is it just me or are these actors actually kinda dynamos? The main three are definitely great, and soooo perfectly cast. Dang.)

But I ‘spose for you Delena fans it was all sunflowers and rainbows! To that I say, whateverrr. (And, you know, I’m real happy for you and stuff.)

Listen, I get Damon and Elena. I get it if, like, Stefan died. Okay? My Nana — who is 79 years old and completely freakin’ AWESOME, btw — has a great quote from back when she completed the Twilight books, which was, “I could be Team Jacob, sure! …if there wasn’t a Team Edward.” That’s how I feel right now. If Stefan and his sad heart weren’t in the picture, I’d be ALL ABOUT Damon. But I just… I just can’t. I’M LOYAL. And since I was told from the beginning to root for Stefan, I’m standin’ by ma’ man. (Don’t be upset, plz.)

Last week I skipped out on talking about TVD because I was so overwhelmed by that episode. And, I was tired. And when I’m tired and I watch TVD, I feel like it’s literally going into my eyeballs and bypassing my brain entirely. (Huh? I don’t know.) So, like, I THINK I processed all that stuff, but really it half-confused me.

BUT THIS WEEK! This week’s episode was GREAT! Damon was in peril! (Really, really, bloody and gory peril… eww.) An Original was killed! Bonnie was witchin’ it up! There was a really weird scene on the street between Klaus and Finn where I *SWEAR* Klaus’ voice belonged to someone other than Joseph Morgan! (Ehhh?) And we found out that killing Originals is baaad business, because they take every vampire they’ve ever created with ‘em! — which means if the plan had succeeded before Bonnie broke their connection, then POOF all the hotties in town would be D-E-A-D. Now thattt was a good twist!

Not so good? This business with Alaric. It is not keeping my interest. Either that, or I’m just sort of bummed out by it (dude’s got bad luck, couldn’t we have just left him alone?). Now his freaky alter ego has the last stake? Blahhh. I hate to say it, but I think it’s time for A-dude to just leave. Do you think his death will be this season’s SHOCKER come finale time?

WHY ISN’T THERE A NEW EP UNTIL APRIL 19. Guhhhhahhhhhhhhh!

Final thought: I’m so torn on the potential completion of the Originals storyline. Like, part of me is SO sick of hearing about “Originals” every week, but that Joseph Morgan is just.something. I propose — re-propose? I feel this may have already come up — a CW spin-off for the Original family. Eh? That’d be awesome, right?

Of this I’m sure, sister: the CW should have given us our own show. (Photo courtesy cwtv.com)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

Sad, saddd boyyys! The Vampire Diaries is loadin’ up on the sad, saddd boyyys!

Let’s start with dear Klaus. Despite his terrible, terrible actions of — ohhh — the past YEAR (???), you can’t help but love Klaus. And whatever his fleeting motivations from week to week, the end goal remains the same: survival. Now he’s got a little crush on Caroline — motivations unclear — and watching him go from a total master of badassery to a lovesick puppy in just a few weeks has been heartwrenching. The drawings last week? That he torched last night? I mean… OMG. The dude has DEPTHS, guys, and they are breakin’ my freakin’ heart.

Then there are poor Stefan and Damon, they of the perpetually-in-love-with-Elena never-ending cycle of sad. (Maybe these loved up duders need to all go for a beer to bury their sadtimez? I MEAN SOME BLOOD?) Trouble is, at the moment she’s not super into either of them. Damon’s slept with Rebekah because he’s a sad-mack hellbent on self-destruction at every turn (somebody say this out loud, already!), and now Elena doesn’t want much to do with him. Stefan is still recovering mentally from his return from his RIPPPPPERRRR DAYYYYS, but the sparks have been flying between he and E-girl. But he still wants to keep his distance. In short: the Salvatore bros have been less moody as of late, but last night they took two huge steps back into Bummerville.

And Elijah is back in the mix, and so sad about everything. I hate to revert back to passe terminology of yore… but Elijah is SO EMO. I mean seriously, just embrace your crazy vampireness, dude! JUST DO IT. You’re obviously evil — you threw Elena under the (figurative, that is… clarification on this show seems necessary) bus at the earliest opportunity and then you had the gall to APOLOGIZE FOR IT. Elijah was right when he told Rebekah they made themselves monsters. But, if he has such a problem with it… Why doesn’t he change his ways? Or, you know, EMBRACE HIS CRAZY VAMPIRENESS.

(Sad boys not featured: OH, ALL OF THEM. Tyler. Jeremy. Matt.)

WHEN WILL SOMEONE JUST BE HAPPY IN MYSTIC FALLS?!?! Nobody is makin’ out these days. Nobody is holding hands. Nobody is in looooove. It’s time to break the tension. All action and no lovin’? What show IS this?

Sidenote: MARCH 15?!?!?!?!?? WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Final thought: OH YEAH AND ALSO, Alaric is totally sad. BECAUSE HE WAS SHOT. Alaric escapes death for the zillionth time? Or NOT?

Most. Depressing. Birthday. “Party.” Ever. (Photo courtesy cwtv.com)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

Man, I officially have a little crush on Joseph Morgan after last night’s episode of The Vampire Diaries. That guy! The guy wears clothes sooo well! Those looks he gives! His face has a different sort of angleee to it, but there’s something about him, amirite? MAN. (I know, I know, I’m late to the party.)

I’m also getting so far removed from Good Stefan that I mostly just want Stef to go away all the time. The move he pulled with Elena this week was downright cruel! That bridge holds too many bad memories!! Ugh, poor Elena. She’s dealing with this semi-psychotic boyfriend, having to ditch her little bro and HELLO falling in love with Damon (“It’s right. Just not right now.” OMGGGG!), all the while it’s so easy to forget that she has all these sad tales from her former life… as a “normal” kid — the parents, the accident, etc. etc.

(Also, I’d forgotten that it was Stefan who pulled Elena from the water! THAT’S SO ROMANTIC AND WONDERFUL, RIGHT?! Good Stefan, please return to ussssssss!)

And then there’s Matt. Matt is like the straight man in the midst of this hugeeee asssss mess, and he handles it so well. Somehow. What’s his secret, man? I can’t keep it all straight and I know it’s fake! Maybe he’s just accepting that which he’s unable to change… and rolling with the punches because it keeps him ALIVE! (Though I think the best track here might be to, ummmm, GET THE HELL OUT OF MYSTIC FALLS. Just an idea…) I loved the scene between him and Elena on the bridge. Matt’s a great guy.

What about Caroline? Klaus saves her and then leaves her a gift? Did I miss something and there was further significance to the charm bracelet? I didn’t get it. Is Klaus becoming… a nice guy?

Quote of the night to Stefan, “Friends don’t strip friends of their free will.” Isn’t that just sooo The Vampire Diaries?

Final thought: Soo, uhh, what’s the doctor’s deal? What’s your best guess?

Don’t boot me outta town, I’m just gettin’ good with this thing! (Photo courtesy cwtv.com)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

I sorta slept through the first half of this season of The Vampire Diaries. Not because it wasn’t interesting (hybrids! rippers!), but because I just felt like there was sooooo much going on. Maybe toooo much going on. Stefan was being an a-hole, Klaus was bringing in a whole new slew of weirdness, and Elena and Damon wouldn’t just get it onnn already. For a show that boasts about 10 weeks worth of material in each episode, some things were moving too slowly for me.

BUT BOY OH BOY, last night’s mid-season premiere promised BIG THINGS for the second half of the season. The highlight of which was… drum rolllll… THAT KISS. I’m not asleep anymore, man! That kiss was to dieee for!

Sure, it was a little sketchy of D to tell his long story about Stefan’s sacrifices, only to be like “Whatev, RIP THIS, sucka!” but the chemistry between these two characters has been in OVERDRIVE as of late and we allllll knew it was coming! And Elena’s reaction… was… you know… being totally into it.

The birth of DELENA, folks!

A few questions remain…

Will they really send Jeremy away to be safe???
- I’m not against the kid’s safety — poor Jer Bear was nearly killed for about the zillionth time by that car! — but he’s become such a crucial part of the show. And since we know that the Klaus drama will continue to play out at least through this season, it seems odd to write Jeremy out for so much of it. I predict someone will keep him in town…

WTF is going on with Alaric THIS TIME?
- The dude has bad luck when it comes to having his body overtaken by outsiders. Something is UP! But what?! Klaus has his hands all over this…

Why’d Klaus kill Rebecca?
- I mean, aside from the fact that he’s a homicidal maniac (I MEAN VAMPIRE) and Rebecca was gonna be mad at him over the death of their mother. You’re the most powerful vampire (I MEAN HYBRID) ever, Klausy Baby… You can control one little sister…

Is it just me, or does Stefan’s level of EVIL waver too much?
- He reserved the harshness for Elena when he told her that Jeremy wasn’t his problem, and then he told Damon the whole long story about how he saved his life. I feel like every week Stefan is all “I’M A BIG BADASS, DON’T LOVE ME!” but then in the next scene he’s freakin’ listening to Elena talk into her cell phone at him, or trying to get rid of Klaus, or bro-in’ down with D. I need him to be all bad or all good, because the flip-flopping just makes me miss AWESOME STEFAN.

Final thought: I’m not alone with all the q’s, right? What questions are YOU left with after the mid-season premiere?

Dude, I don’t care WHAT you say, I *totally* win the hair-off. (Photo courtesy cwtv.com)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

I kinda goofed here. When last night’s ep was starting, I had just gotten home from The Rum Diary and was so distracted with online searches for ALL the discrepancies (YOU WITH ME, YO?), that I was kinda half-in/half-out on the show for at least the first half. And, I mean, WTF, I know better. If you’re not paying attention during TVD, you’re probably going to get really, reallllllly lost… But I managed okay eventually (I think).

As far as mid-season finales go, this one wasn’t EXACTLY the banger I was hoping for… the tension was THERE, but it wasn’t at its peak on this show. This show does WACKY things in service of dramatic tension every.single.week. and I was a little surprised there wasn’t more there? Hmmm…

Stefan’s freedom from Klaus was sooooo welcomed (by me), but why is he still going to be a dickface? I wasn’t really expecting that, or wanting it. I’m all for him going after Klaus (though I had ZERO idea that the rest of the Originals were in those coffins… how I missed that along the way I have no idea, but it totally killed the ZING! ZANG! KAPOW! of the ending because I was like “Coffins, what?”), but I’d rather he do it with his typical doe-eyed wonder. NO??? Fine, fine. MAKE HIM EVIL SO THE FAN GIRLS GET DELENA ACTION, WHATEVER.

(Seriously, we have to make Stefan EVIL in order for Elena to fall for Damon? That means something, guys. And yes, their scene was great… but I’m gonna need some ACTION on that front soon. I can’t handle it anymoreee! Even Edward Cullen woulda made a move by now, ESPECIALLY considering that things aren’t so complicated on the human-sex front for these vampires. Sorry…)

Mikael (was that spelling honestly around in olden times? NO.) was sort of a weird plot point given that he didn’t last more than a handful of eps… but seeing an original go up in flames was sort of oddly thrilling. Do I wish it had been Klaus? Ehhhh, I’m kinda attached to the guy at this point…

Caroline and Tyler continue being wishy-washy and they basically broke up, but I think that’s not the end of things. While folks might be bummed out about the outcome here, it had to be this way. Though Tyler’s head is clearly in the right place when it comes to C, his allegiances elsewhere are unpredictable at best. She can’t very well have a freaky, Klaus-worshipping hybrid around her all the time. Post-Klaus death, though, I see a reunion in sight…

Final thought: I mean, there are a lot of wacky things going on in Mystic Falls, but we’ve got the logistics of vampires, witches and werewolves on lockdown. BUT THESE DAMN HYBRIDS?? Until that mess is sorted, best keep yo’ distance! Can you blame her?

Olden times is tough on your hairz when you’re not yet a vampire. (Photo courtesy cwtv.com)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

TRUTH: Usually when The Vampire Diaries heads into flashback-land, my eyes glaze over and I lose interest. While you might assume that’s because Stefan’s hair is just sooooo epically less vampire-y in olden times, the TRUTH is that I’ve never really found the Damon-Stefan-Katherine triangle o’ yesteryear story all that exciting. Katherine’s a great character! But I just don’t need to see that in action… I’m fine with hearing it in bits and pieces (preferably from people WITH vampire-y hair, yes.).

HOWEVERSIES, last night’s recounting of the Original family was REALLY engrossing and when I had to take a phone call in the middle of it I was super bummed. For that reason, I missed just how the mom-witch turned them into vampires (some secret potion? Or did they just drink her blood?)… but I got the rest of it. The family was living happily amidst their “neighbors” the werewolves, until Klaus and the youngest sibling went off to take in some werewolfin’ transformations and one of them attacked and killed the behbey. The family then became obsessed with living FOREVER (weird, right?) and the mom, the Original Witch, turned them all into vampires… effectively starting a WAR between the two groups. Or she turned them into immortals, which ended up becoming vampires, because vampires had never existed. Rebecca/Rebekah (ever try to figure out how to spell names on the internet… it’s mind-boggling) detailed all of this… how they discovered their strengths and weaknesses, how they thirsted for blood more than ANYTHING (did anyone else think of that Eclipse scene between Bella and Rosalie at that point? TELL ME I’M NOT ALONE), and finally how their father had killed their mother when he realized that Klaus had been turned into a hybrid (and therefore was part wolf… YOU KNOW… part WOLF… part totally-not-his).

Then Elena broke Rebecca/Rebekah’s heart by telling her that the freaky drawings in the cave showed Klaus was actually the one that killed Mama Original. And R/R broke into serious tears and it was the FIRST TIME EVER that I didn’t want to throw her into a huge heap of flames to get her off the show. (Seriously, she’s terrible.) But last night, I totally felt for her. And now that she might be trying to help bring Klaus down… well, excellent. (Except, I’ll be honest, I think Klaus is sorta awesome…).

MEANWHILE, in BRO-LAND (this episode was about FAMILY… in case you hadn’t picked that up, Elena basically spelled it all out), Damon and Stefan had a night on the town and Damon tried to convince Stefan he wasn’t all bad. (<— purposefully unclear sentence, because I don’t really know what the point of that talk they have nearly every week is where they try to discuss themselves as evil, good, better, worse… YOU’RE VAMPIRES, WE GET IT, YOU’RE BOTH GOOD AND EVIL.). Stefan showed a moment of kindness toward his brother when he saved him from Michael (how often are vampires supposed to be in peril like this? For immortals, they are on the brink of “death” a lot…), but mostly he remained wild-eyed and scary.

Except now he’s anti-Klaus.

SO, LET THE KLAUS-HUNTING PARTY BEGIN, AMIRIGHT?

Final thought: Yeah, yeah, the Damon/Elena scene. I might just start ignoring those until something HAPPENSSSSS. Eh, who am I kidding, I freakin’ love these two lately. Damon refusing to get out of her bed and forcing her to lay beside him, and the resulting face-to-face convo? FANTASTIC. I’m all in, now. ALL IN.

For someone who’s NOT STEFAN, yr lookin’ a little like New (Old) Stefan to us… (Photo courtesy cwtv.com)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

Gahhhh, sometimes The Vampire Diaries kicks its reviewers in the butt at the end of the episode by showing a PREVIEW FOR NEXT WEEK that nearly eclipses allllll excitement that they just drummed up in the last hour! For viewers, great! For this little lady… bummmmmmmer!

Seriously, what even happened this week? Ehhhh, Stefan and Rebekah had a moment of seeming-lust before both realized the ship had long-ago sailed on their love for one anotherrr. Caroline made Elena address her feelings for Damon (which was, I’d argue, the best moment of the night) and Elena basically… dodged it. And, BONNIE’S BACK! And Jeremy confided his secret “skill” to her and she accidentally told… Katherine! That tricky Katherine…

AND THEN?

In the last few moments, Klaus welcomed Stefan back to Mystic Falls (OMG, did you see the COFFINS?!) and in the preview for NEXT WEEK Stefan is being forced to…. GULP (x10000)… FEED ON ELENA? OMFGGGGG! Say it ain’t so! You scared us enough with the momentary kiss-lapse with Rebekah! Not our favorite lovebiiiiiiirds!

Sweet lawwwwd, I can’t handle it. What’s gonna happen? Klaus OBVIOUSLY finds out that Elena’s still around and he OBVIOUSLY is torturing Stefan (is it for that whole “I already wanna blow my brains out” line, because Stef… that was harsh!). But what happens next? DAMON TO THE RESCUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE???

Final thought: Oh, come on Delena fans… you know you’d love it. But really… how’s TVD getting out of THIS mess?

I have nothing funny to say. Jenna dying(/”dying”?) was sad… (Photo courtesy cwtv.com)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

I managed to get three weeks behind on The Vampire Diaries and so, as you can imagine, I’m now a wee bit overwhelmed. A lot happens every single week of this show, and trying to catch up on three at a time, well… damn. It’s a good thing I’m so invested in this show at this point, because otherwise I might be runnin’ for the hills with all this madness!

Who hasn’t been in the line of fire in the last few weeks? Certainly not Elena, Matt, Caroline or Tyler. Not Bonnie, nor Alaric. Not even Stefan or Damon! We’ve (SPOILER ALERT) lost Jenna!! Who is next??? It’s gettin’ scary in Mystic Falls, guys! The innocent people are even in danger! Who’d have guessed that the least-interesting-yet-so-immersed-in-the-STORY character of JENNA was at risk? Oh man. AND DAMON! Damon is on the verge of death! And we already saw Rose meet this werewolf-bite fate… so what are we to think!? Surely something will work out for him (whether this season… or nextttttt).

Elena was on the verge of being a vampire and the scene between her and Stefan on top of the waterfall/hill was really great. She tearfully confessed that she doesn’t want to be vampire, and in doing so (don’t kill me Twihards) totally out-thought and out-emoted Bella Swan (and Nina Dobrev TOTALLY out-ACTED Kristen Stewart in ANY Twilight scene… in that scene, anyway). That scene brought a sense of reality to this totally crazy show. SOMEONE sees this for what it is… madness. Elena deals with ALL of this with grace and love, but at the end of the day, she realizes that this life is making things a lot harder for everyone.

Last week’s episode did feel a little like a season finale, so I’ll be curious to see what they do tonight. From the previews, I know this: Damon’s on the brink of vampire-death, Bonnie’s nose is bleeding/she’s serious witch-ing out and the sheriff is going to draw her gun. TELL ME MORE!

Final thought: Who else thinks Caroline’s mom needs to take one in the chest? I don’t mean to be a jerkwad but…