TV & Gum Are Awesome

WRIGLEY’S 5 BETA

OH HELLO THERE, FLAVOR EXPLOSION! This flavor be crazayyy! It’s got so much zing that SEVERRRAL times in my first minute of chewin’ I made the “I can’t handle this, yo!” wince/face! This is serious.

Two questions: Are we over 5 Gum’s zippity-doo-da-ness yet? Are we over BERRY COMBO gums yet?

If you’re still on board, then you’ll be HELLA on board with this gum. This stuff is tasty! Sadly, I’m over both 5 and berryliciousness, so… I’m not exactly the target demo. IN FACT, I spit this out before I could really test its “endurance.” (FOR SHAME! I KNOW!) I spit it out because my taste buds were overwhelmed and exhausted. Why are you trying so HARD, berry gum? Why must you be so over-the-toppp, berry gum?

Can I just get a berry gum that doesn’t gross me the hell OUT?! Oh RIGHT! I did! Know what the difference is? FOCUSING ON BLUEBERRY! This gum is just the bullsh*tty fakeberry flavor. Comboberry = badberry. (Ahem, ahem.)

(Side note: Are there RASPBERRY gums? Is Raspberry Sorbet Icebreakers the best we’ve got?! PLZ ADVISE.)

Sorry, Beta.

Flavor Strength: 15
Comments: THAT’S RIGHT. I’M GIVING IT A 15.

Flavor Endurance: n/a
Comments: I am a gum CONNOISSEUR and I couldn’t handle it, guys. 

Final thought: But BONUS — I LOVE THE NAME “BETA.” WHY? I DON’T EVEN KNOW. *insert “beta”/”back to the drawing board” joke here.* (<— OKAY, that’s why.)

TRIDENT LAYERS JUICY BERRY + TANGY TANGERINE

A little under a year ago, I was busy, busyyy professing that Trident had seeeriouslyy stepped up their game, and that the Layers line was reeeeally knockin’ it outta the park. NOW GUESS WHAT?! They still are!!! (Did you think I’d say the opposite?! Be an OPTIMIST, gum-lover!)

While Juicy Berry + Tangy Tangerine sounds like about the most generic flavor of gum ever (not to mention a heck of a lot like the strawberry “+ Tangy Citrus” Layers flavor), it’s actually NOT. It’s BLUEBERRY, guys! Blueberry gum! Remember my great love of THIS GUY? Well, he may have met his match — and THEN SOME.

Not only is the new Layers flavor a fun twist on your expectations, it also laaasts and laaasts and LASTS! It’s great! There’s a wee hint of that tangerine on the package (and in the name…), but mostly it just serves to underscore/emphasize the blueberry goodness. AND, this gum isn’t nearly as tough in texture as my last few packs of Trident. (More like “!!!!!!!!”)

The quality of its Orchard Peach + Ripe Mango pal, with the SHARP and ATTENTION-GRABBING flavor combo of its Sweet Cherry + Island Lime buddy???? SO MUCH GUM AWESOMENESS, DUDES.

BONUS — THE GUM ITSELF IS BLUE. (Oh be quiet, who doesn’t love BLUE GUM?) 

Flavor Strength: 10
Comments: REALLY!

Flavor Endurance: 10
Comments: SERIOUSLY!

Final thought: I may or may not have just broken my own GUM RULE and had three pieces in semi-rapid succession. NEXT STOP: GUT-ACHE CITY.  

ORBIT WILDBERRY REMIX

A word to the wise when it comes to Wildberry Remix… you better like a whole lotta berry, because IF NOT this will make you pretty much sick to your sto-mach.

BUT, if you DO like berry (piled atop berry piled atop berry), then GET READY FOR AWESOMEEE. The great thing about this is that it is juuuuust BURSTING with flavor. It’s equal parts raspberry, blackberry, blueberry (etc, etc?) and though they get a little muddled in the mixture, I’d argue it comes out victorious in the end. There is sorta a grape element at play, but if you just ignore it (let’s face it, grape flavor is pretty nasty!) then you’ll enjoy this more…

I also really, really love Orbit’s weird packaging. It’s so over the top that it’s nearly embarrassing to carry around with you anymore, but DAMMIT if they aren’t just goin’ for it. While the plastic wrap on this one has juicy, gorgeous berries on it (pictured above)… the actual package is weird purple graphics with guitars and birds and musical notes and the phrase ”Dirty Mouth?” Perhaps the teen demo would dig this more…

Flavor Strength: 8
Comments: Dings for the muddled mess of it all, but high marks anyway for the ZING ZANG ZAPPOWWW of that wacky flavor!

Flavor Endurance: 7
Comments: Solid marks here, too. There’s a stretch of toughness pretty early on, but if you soldier through it the gum and flavor return to glory…

Final thought: Okay, okay, maybe the GRAPE element ruins this. OR MAYBE, I just shouldn’t have brought it up because now I can’t taste ANYTHING else. SHOOT. 

TRIDENT SPLASH CITRUS WITH BLACKBERRY

Here’s the thing: Trident Splash is just awful gum. I’ve tried a million different flavors of it (Orange Swirl! Pucker Me Berry! Peppermint Swirl!) and the result is always the same… the WORST aftertaste of any gum in the history of gummmmm. Sure, the flavor starts out okay—with Citrus it’s bordering on TOO MUCH FLAVOR, even—and it combines the base flavor with the liquid middle flavor and it SHOULD be magic! In some instances it even IS! I could argue even THIS ONE is! But then…

Then…

THENNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

After you spit this gum out, you will end up with THE MOST DISGUSTING taste that you juuuuust can’t shake until you eat something/consume copious amounts of water/whatever. It’s FOUL. And it is in NO way worth the mediocre gum that creates it. I used to think it was almost a metallic taste, now I’m not so sure. Is it from the outer shell? Is it from the liquid in the middle? DID I EAT PART OF THE PACKAGING FOR CHRISSAKES? Ugh…

Flavor Strength: 7
Comments: Bonus! The flavor is great for a few seconds.

Flavor Endurance: 8
Comments: Bonus! The flavor does last for a long time before descending into WRETCHED TERRIBLENESS.

Final thought: These flavor combos are terrific, though. If Trident Layers wants to try this citrus/blackberry thing out, I am ALL IN!

MENTOS GUM UP2U BERRY WATERMELON & FRESH MINT

I’m going to go ahead and crown this pack of UP2U as my favorite of the four. All things considered, it’s a winner. Fresh Mint, whatever it is, is maybe the best mint flavor they’ve created thus far (save, maybe, that awesome Spearmint…). It’s light and airy and not overwhelming like some mint gums tend to be, and also not so clearly defined in its flavor. It’s a good combo effort that pays off for them (sorry, “Mintnight Mint”). Berry Watermelon is also farrrrr and away better than their other fruit offering, Mandarin Strawberry. It’s more watermelon than berry, but both flavors ARE present and they work together nicely. This stick of gum is half pink and half green, which is quite eye-catching/pleasing. AND both flavors REALLY LAST, which is something Mentos has on MUCH of their competition (amirighttttt?). 

So, in terms of accomplishing a TRULY dual-purpose pack of gum, this combo succeeds where the others might fall short (second in line to this would be Sweet Mint / Bubble Fresh). But there is one sliiiiight annoyance with UP2U gum that I’ve avoided up until now…

The packaging has a serious flaw. FROWN. For all its TOTAL COOL-ness, the back side of the packaging doesn’t stay together with the front side when you’re holding it, which means the flap on the TOP that is supposed to fit into the back side… doesn’t. It can’t support it. Why isn’t the flap on the edge where the two sides come together, as, say, a journal might be designed? WHO KNOWS. What would fix this would be… THAT, and what would make it EVEN COOLER would be to combine that with the box technology (TECHNOLOGY, YES!) of the Trident Vitality gum (which, if you recall, has a distinct way of locking closed). Boo-bam, problem solved! C’mon, MENTOS!!!!

Flavor Strength: 10
Comments: Both absolute 10s. Awesome flavor, awesome burst.

Flavor Endurance: 9
Comments: HIGH SCORE, only docked because the fruitiness of Berry Watermelon loses a slight edge semi-early on (though the resulting flavor is totally a-okay). 

Final thought: I’m gonna give them a break, though. While, if I were designing something this slick and cool, I would maybe put more thought into making the packaging work (especially when it OBVIOUSLY doesn’t), Mentos has also taken about a zillion steps forward in creating some totally taste-rific gum. If that were their only contribution here (which, I’d argue, is not quite right… I think they’ve got some creativity points coming too!), they’d have a serious mark in the PRO column. Good on ya, Mentos.

LOTTE BERRY

When you find yourself unable to read the packaging on the gum you are about to attempt chewing, SHOULD YOU PROCEED? (And, p.s., if you can read any of that, pleaseeee drop me a line). In this case, yessss. Truthfully, I was sold as soon as I pulled the plastic off of this one. This is THE most clever gum packaging I’ve ever seen (sorry, Trident Vitality). You just push down on the purple plastic on the right-hand side and outttt come the little pieces of gum. MAGIC!

What’s more, the gum inside is divine! This, like that terrific Blueberry gum last week, is also Lotte brand, and what I’ve learned from Lotte (much easier than the FLAVORS of their gum) is that they really, reallllllllyyyyyy aim to please in the flavor department. This gum, from what I can assume from the artwork and flavor, is some sort of berry flavor. It has hints of the blueberry flavor, but with a bit of a different, sweeter edge.

There’s an odd stretch when you first get the pieces into your mouth where the flavor has yet to reveal itself (not sure what’s happening in those moments… eep!), but once you’re IN, it’s overwhelmingly awesome. And then, like this Asian Gum Adventure has taught in the past, the flavor is GONE within about ten minutes. But it’s tooootally worth it.

Flavor Strength: 8
Comments: Not surpassing the blueberry gum, but a pretty worthy opponent.

Flavor Endurance: 5
Comments: Sorry, little berry dudes.

Final thought: What IS happening on the artwork? Is that a little army of berry-flavored gum balls? They remind me of the ghosts in Super Mario Bros.

WRIGLEY’S ECLIPSE BREEZE EXOTIC BERRY

I’m just going to come out and say it: THIS GUM IS AWFUL. For the first minute, ehhhh, tolerable, strange, curious, etc., etc. After that: BLECK.

This gum has the same CARDAMOM/spicy taste thing going for it that the mint one does, but it doesn’t complement the flavor here so much as make it reallllllly weirddddd. “Exotic Berry,” sure, okay, could be anything, but I can nearly guarantee you that there is a more favorable flavor out there for you, dear reader.

The packaging, again though, totally awesome.

Flavor Strength: 5
Comments: This one is too muddled to really be distinct and therefore GOOD in any way. As the flavor fades, that weird, spicy taste really overwhelms and everything turns out STRANGE.

Flavor Endurance: 7
Comments: Oh, it’ll stick around for you! The question is, do you waaaant it to?

Final thought: Now that Dentyne Pure is out there and they’ve really sorted out this “breath purification” thing, I expect a much better berry variety is on its way to us… I’ll wait.