TV & Gum Are Awesome

Ahhh, but what will the final chapter BRING? (Photo courtesy fox.com)

THE FOLLOWING
FOX | Monday | 9:00 p.m.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Jacobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb! Nooooooooooooooooo!

Ahhh, shiiiiit. All hell broke loose, guyz! What the! Who the! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I’m afraid for everyone’s life at this point! I thought for a second that Jacob would kill Emma, but then BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM reverse! And I had to see his whole, poor neck split open as he died. EYUGHHHH. I really thought Jacob was going to be the good guy in all this — like he’d help save Claire, or he’d drive off into the sunset, or even, worse yet, become the bad guy. As is, he was never really sorted out. He died as a question mark, which, I gotta say, is a mega bum-out. Because we all sort of guiltily loved him, right? Oh, poor, attractive man… 

Related note: Emma is one crazy mofo! She’s the most heartless of them all… I can’t even! I don’t get it! She killed Jacob with the same dead look in her eye that she had when she — shockingly, like OMG — killed her mama. Ahhhh! 

Side note: Do you think Emma will be the center of next season? I don’t know how much more I can look into those crazy eyes…

(Notes fin.)

Thee followers went ten-times the crazy this week. Sure, they like to murder innocent people on occasion, but this week? This week they were going a little wacky, taking over an evacuation center and taking DOWN many-a rando in the process. There’s the new dude with the weird grind. There’s the new wild-eyed blonde who freaked Hardy out in the interrogation room. These people are getting further and further off the deep end, folks. And that scene in the dark in the evac room… It was almost, like, hard to watch, no? Ughhh…

Also, um, I was wrong about something and I fear I owe a bit of an apology to poor Agent Parker. Now that she’s facing that whole buried-alive situation, I feel the need to admit that it’s likely she’s NOT a member of the cult. It’s possible I was mistaken. (Sometimes that happens! Nobody is perfect, man! MY BAD.) Now, how will they go about getting her out of that box? And why did the creepers break M.O. to such an extent? There’s a message there, eh?

GAWD, WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE END, GUYS?

I have no idea. Like, zero. Joe’s going to die. Will Ryan? Will Emma? Will Claire?

The only people I’m counting as safe are Joey and Weston (because, let’s face it, that dude has already been on the receiving end of too many a beating…)

Final thought: Final predictions time! Who will live and who will sing their swan song in next week’s finale?

Roddy thought he was a match for these two? Pahhh. (Photo courtesy fox.com)

THE FOLLOWING
FOX | Monday | 9:00 p.m.

Let’s take time NOW, amid this Wednesday night o’ reruns, to catch up on… Monday! Because, OH MAN… Monday!

The Following is getting so crazy. Like, I’m too far IN it at this point to tell if it’s TOO crazy, but I know that it’s crazy. It’s BORDERLINE too crazy, but it’s so crazy that I can’t get enough of it. (So.much.crazy!)

Rodderick kidnapped Joey, then Rodderick was killed in a shoot-out by Joe’s guys (!!), then Ryan and Weston talked Jacob into letting Joey go! Great development! Because, I mean, stuff’s about to get REAL in these next couple weeks, and I vote for gettin’ down to the nitty gritty with this little kiddo well out of harm’s way. Kudos for making that decision.

Of course, that left Mama Bear all alone over on the Joe & His Wacky Lackies Compound. Claire tried to trick Joe into thinking that they could be in love 4 eva, only to try to STAB HIM IN THE GUTS when he was mid-kiss. (Harsh! How will he ever learn to love again! Jkjkjkjkjkjkjk.) Lackies come in and carry her out, and Joe makes a phone call to Hardy but… DUN DUN DUNNNNN, he’s looking pretty worse for the wear — bloody, breathless and with a hint of desperation in his voice.

Meanwhile, Jacob confesses to Emma that he thinks they are all going to die soon. (Why didn’t Jacob just GO?! OMG.)

THENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, a girl with a wild look in her eye (you gotta be careful with those — doesn’t anybody remember the VERY FIRST EPISODE AND THE FACE STABBER?!?) came into the station, claiming she wanted to turn herself in. They drew a gun on her (good), they questioned her a few times (ehhhh), and then they agreed to bring her back to an interrogation room (EHHHHH), and then they ALL TURNED THEIR BACKS ON HER AND SHE STABBED POLICE GUY IN THE EFFING HEAD!!!!!!!!!! (*^^%%&(@)!!!!%%$#@!!!!) Guys, of-frickin’-COURSE that was going to happen. Genius patrol, we’ve got a few for pick up!

Ughhh. Really, Ryan Hardy?

It appears that next week’s episode will see all the wackadoos being found and rounded up — to upsetting results (why are they all in what appears to be a high school gymnasium?). At this point, I feel like we know Joe is goin’ down,and we know there is probably still a surprise or two on its way (I still say the female cult cop lady is Team Joe)… but who do you think will SURVIVE to the end? Claire? RYAN? And what the heck will they do with season two?

Hmmm…

Final thought: I just had a terrible idea for season two of this show — which would be to flash forward and have little Joey as a new cult leader. OMFG IT’S SO BAD. But kinda good, no?

Oh, Sam. (Photo courtesy fox.com)

GLEE
FOX | Thursday | 9:00 p.m.

Well, this is gonna get awkward. This *DID* get awkward, didn’t it? I mean, aside from the fact that we’ve got some timing and sensitivity issues at play with this, the episode also just kinda played the role of surface-scratcher. It was anti-guns, but only in a roundabout way. It was pro-lovin’ your fam, but in an obnoxious way. I wasn’t really feelin’ it…

I also had NO idea that it was gonna happen. I guess I missed the hella heavy preview for this “very special episode” of Glee. ??? Seems like an interesting choice to come back from a long hiatus was this…

Let’s examine the other developments, though, shall we?

Coach Beiste is into Mr. Schue! Awww. Ryder is really into his mystery girl, who he finds out is actually somebody else pretending to be the girl in the photos… and whose cell phone rings in the choir room while all parties are huddled in silence while the shooting incident went down. HUH! Blonde Girl denies it, and Marley and Jake have nothing to do with it… So who else is there? Is it possible that Unique has been hiding secret affections? That’s all I could come up with… (Feel free to weigh in in the comments.)

Brittany and Sam continue to befuddle me. Blaine and Tina seem to have found some middle ground on the pal-ship front. Ryder is back to bros with Marley and Jake (presumably). And Blonde Former-Meanie (why do I have NO idea what her name is?) even apologize to Marley for all that You’re-Fat ridiculousness earlier this season! (Can she apologize to US? …because we also had to sit through that storyline.)

Bottom line — hopefully we’ve got the bummer info outta the way and the rest of the season is going to be dyn-o-mite now! Yes? YES! Broadway auditions and glee competitions and GENERAL AWESOMENESS. Who’s ready?

Final thought: Sue isn’t, like, GONE gone — is she?

Be cool, Hardy, be cool. (Photo courtesy fox.com)

THE FOLLOWING
FOX | Monday | 9:00 p.m.

Oh em geeeeee — I’m starting to wonder how this is all going to come to a close, guys! Who will still be a surprise cult member? What is going to happen when Roderick goes rogue next week? (That’s what’s happening, riiight?) AND WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT CLARE-JOE KISS WE SAW IN THE PREVIEW?

But let’s back up…

The FBI and Hardy are closing in on the cult. They head to the place where they have been building their army of creepies and, AHA!, there is Joe. ‘Cuz Joe popped in to kill Roderick’s friend that’s been helping them and “knows too much.” (Bless the poor foolz who “know too much” — there’s one of them in every one of these tangle webz, yo!) That dude ends up dead, and then Joe gets hold of poor, freakin’ Mike. It’s a stand-off between he and Ryan, and he brings up Ryan’s dad’s death (low blow!), and threatens to kill Mike, but then!!! Doesn’t. (Is it wrong that I wouldn’t have minded? Mike be off the rails lately!). 

Meanwhile, Jacob continued down his trek toward the deep end (o’ his sanity — hashtag: whathappenedtomysweet…boy), promising/threatening to kill the FBI lady if she tried to escape. Ho hum. I still think FBI lady is one of ‘em. And if not, she’s just super boring. Poor gal. AND POOR JACOB. I thought there was going to be a silver lining with Jacob, pals. I thought it was gonna be all, “Don’t worry, you can be a bisexual creeper on the brink of total messed up-edness, and YOU ARE NOT WITHOUT HOPE.” But, no. But, maybe he still has time to turn the beat around (love to hear percusssssssionnnnn — Gloria Estefan fans in the hizzouseeee…?)? I hope so. I hope the line he extended to his dad in Monday’s ep was, like, an indicator that it’s happenin’.

And for my nextttt prediction — instead, maybe Jacob will die.

THAT IT’S, ALL BE HERE ALLLLL WEEK.

Final thought: J/k. But really. Who is going to live? Who is going to die? AND WHAT IS JOE’S BOOK ABOUT? AND WHYGODWHY ARE HE AND CLARE KISSING IN NEXT WEEK’S EP?

Jinkx, you hella got this. (Photo courtesy logotv.com)

RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE
LOGO | Monday | 9:00 p.m.

“It’s turned quickly from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants to Sisterhood of ‘I’m going to kill you so I can win’.”

Okay, I’ve been needing to get something outta the way for a minute… So, GUYS… I kinda like Alaska. In fact, I sorta love her. It’s that voice! Those hilarious facial expressions! The desire to break from Rolaskatox! IT’S EVERYTHING AND, OMG, I like her more with each week that passes! (I know!)

BUT I’M STILL ALL-IN ON TEAM JINKX.

Don’t judge me too harshly, mmk?

Okay, breathe…

What a fun episode this was, though! I loved the fact that the ladies had to incorporate someone ELSE into their challenge this week. Not only did it throw off their various dynamics (no Rolaskatox!), but it also really tested their drag skills. We got to see Roxxxy take one of the most MANLY of the army dudes and turn him into a gorgeous queen! We got to see Jinkx relate and bond with the oldest of the group, and create out-loud personalities for them both! Now… Alaska dropped the ball on those hips (BIG TIME!), and Coco dropped the ball on that makeup, and Detox’s whole situation was a lil’… bizarre. But overall — so fun!

The big q’s — Who is going down next? Who’s final three? Do they do final three on this show? (Or am I just thinking of Top Model? THIS IS HELLA MY NEW TOP MODEL, BTW.) If those alliance’d up ladies try to shove out my Jinkx… HELL TO PAY!

(PS — Can we talk about what a relief next week is gonna be without BOTH Alyssa and Coco? Omg. I wish we were getting a few additional weeks without Alyssa. I didn’t realize how much I disliked her and her strange mouth/talking…)

Final thought: Seriously, I need a friend in my life who makes facial expressions like Alaska. Girl is hilarious. Anybody spotted any amazing GIFs on the ‘nets?

ICE BREAKERS ICE CUBES ARCTIC GRAPE

Gum pals, I need your help! My co-worker recently returned from a trip to the Midwest, brought back a package of this delicious gum and now the whole office is HOOKED on it! And you can’t find it in the San Francisco area! And you can’t look up its availability on the Hershey website! I’M AT A LOSSSSS.

Gum trade? Find this and we’ll talk…

Because, seriously, this is delish. I mean, it’s five seconds of delish-n’ss. It REALLY lasts for five seconds. BUT, it is ALL fakey grapey flavor amazingness, and the people — they love it. Do you love it? Have you HAD it?

My history with grape gum is HIT OR MISS, as you know. The closest we really get outside of the Bubblicious realm is that weird React2 gum that was out a couple of years ago (the sticks are black, right?) — and even THAT doesn’t quite get it, does it? The BEST I’ve had was part of the Asian Gum Adventure of Hella Yore, and DEAR LAWD was that good. But, but, but… I need more of this one!

There’s gotta be an alternative to that sugary tasty gum, right? LET’S TRACK IT DOWN! WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

Final thought: I’m serious about that gum trade. And you KNOW I got gum to spare… MSG, yo.

YES, THAT LOOK. 

A cranky mama to match a cranky Nick. (Photo courtesy fox.com)

NEW GIRL
FOX | Tuesday | 9:00 p.m.

Margo Martindale! YESSSS! Guest stars on New Girl are, like, consistently knocking it outta the park, amirite? Nick’s parents rule! Or, actually, they are (were??) kinda prickly… Much like the man?

So, we’d just met Nick’s schemey, scheezy dad, and now he’s gone? (Is he gone for good? Trying to get out of a deal gone bad? Just sayin’…?) We traveled to Chicago with the whole gang in tow — was that weird? would they really all go? — and some real MILLERS were waiting… Margo Martindale as the Mom! Nick Kroll as the Brother! And the little rapper lady from The Wedding Singer as the — you guessed — crazy ol’ Grandma! Precious! And weird!

The best part, though? Ummmmm, Nick and Jess totally crushin’. I typically hate these will-they-won’t-they storylines, but DEAR GAWD I LOVE THIS ONE. That look that Nick gave when he walked into the church and saw Jess donning the Elvis costume MELTED.MY.HEART. Crap! CRAP, man! And then the looks they exchanged after the eulogy (and the hand holding!), smeared the melted pieces of my heart ALL OVER EVERYWHERE. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore! IT WAS EFFING HEARTWARMING.

What happens next? My goodness, it has to go somewhere good…

Final thought: Yay/nay on whether or not somethin’ good goes down in the next ep?

Source: millerday

Coachin’ bro-down time. (Photo courtesy nbc.com)

THE VOICE
NBC | Monday | 8:00 p.m.

Oh hey, new coaches. I’m into it! Are you into it? Let’s discuss!

Admittedly, I wasn’t around for ANY of last season of The Voice. Mostlyyy we can chalk that up to a lil’ show called Gossip Girl, and my inability to juggle two shows in one time-slot (I have the DVR, but I no like to depend on the DVR!). So, I didn’t bother. For the first two seasons of the show, I had a friend o’ a friend on as a contestant, and I felt a little more CONNECTED. Season three felt less exciting. 

So why am I back? CURIOSITY, yo!

And curiosity has resulted in renewed interest! I hadn’t realized how sick of Christina I’d gotten, and how Cee-Lo’s too-cool-ness had kinda gotten around to bummin’ me out. These new people are fresh faced and excited to be around! And they are — arguably? — bigger stars, to boot!

Shakira is the new lady filling the blonde-pint-sized-pop-star quota, and she’s pretty spunky! Her dig at the end of Monday’s ep about Blake’s pointing and Usher’s leg-up posture was pretty adorable. She’s a little TOO “I’m invested in you, I believe you’re going to be huge,” but who can blame her? She’s ready to get started! And I dig her excitement. (And it feels REAL, rather than phonayyy balonayyy like it always did with “Xtina.”)

And Usher. Oh my. Not only is the guy WAY too talented to be on a TV show like this (I will throw a gum party for all of you if he sticks around for another season), but he’s ADORABLE. When he ID’d Nashville as a state, and it took a few minutes for him to realize that the other coaches were making fun of him? ADORABLE. The way he gets that little twinkle in his eye when he smiles? ADORABLE. That posture when he’s seated? TOO MUCH!

The talent is also still top shelf, which is such a relief. That’s the thing about The Voice that’s always set it apart from Idol — nobody on this thang is trying to make fun of anyone’s misguided attempts at singing. Integrity! Who knew?

Final thought: Like and comment if you’re on board with the coachin’ change-up! (Srsly, who can not like Usher?)

What are you saying — this is just HOW MY FACE LOOKS! (Photo courtesy fox.com)

THE FOLLOWING
FOX | Monday | 9:00 p.m.

Okay, I fully realize that the entire basis of last week’s post was, like, OMG POOR JACOB. And maybe you were like, “Guess what, TV&GAA, Jacob is a freakin’ CRAZY PERSON! I don’t care that he’s sympathetic and adorable! He’s terrible” And you know what? I GET YOU! I really do. But then, this guy just gets it even worse every week, and I just have a hard time watching it all unfold. His evil is multiplying before our eyes! Sooooooo, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, here…… OMG POOR JACOB! (This is all I can focus on!)

Seriously, dude is now whacked! He killed his BFF/lovah-fo’-lyfe because of  some demented girl with REALLY good skin, and all for what? So he could be reunited with her and the man she’s forgotten him for (serial killer JOE)? Eff this! Poor Jacob was a pure(ish) soul! Even last week, when he was talking to his mom, Erin Strauss, everything seemed like it could have EASILY gone in the way of him returning to the light! (Who DIDN’T want Jacob to just be all, “Okay, Mom, let’s go to the police and get this madness over with!”? I mean, IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED.)

Now, everything is bad. He killed Paul, and he’s seeing visions of him wherever he turns (he also re-killed him in the midst of a delusion — eff!), he threatened Emma’s life, and in the preview for next week he looks ALL KINDSA SCREWY. Oh, Jacob. I had better plans for you, babe…

Oh, you want to talk about the bombshell o’ the week? OH HAI, Ryan and Claire have feelings for each other and exchanged “I love you”s. It was sweet, but… ‘ello Captain Obvious. I wanted some startling revelation from their past! Instead, I got stuck with a really strange and confusing tie-in between Joe and Hardy’s last girlfriend, Molly. Whobewhatty? Maybe that oughta been put in the middle of the ep, so it could have been introduced and concluded in the same span of an hour? (Just sayin’: Zzzzzz).

One q: Do the previews from week to week kinda make you think it’s going downhill? Like, really? People in the basement in cells and they are training and army? Like, where is this going and… omgpleasedon’tletitgetawful…

Final thought: Speaking of Bombshell, how relieved are we all to NOT be watching Smash this season? (Oh, god, please tell me you’re not watching…?)

Now THESE are some real happy faces. (Photo courtesy fox.com)

THE FOLLOWING
FOX | Monday | 9:00 p.m.

Apologies for the delayed response. Mondays are tough! And for some reason I felt obligated to The Biggest Loser…

Anywayyy, my faith in The Following was pretty much restored after Monday’s ep. Let’s call last week’s dalliance into sexytimes and bizarre cult member-murdering a misstep, and move on, eh?

I’ll start with: POOR JACOB. I know, I know. These peeps be hella crazy. But you can see in this guy’s eyes that he isn’t IN this like everybody else. He can’t (errr, couldn’t?) kill! CULT PEEPS, THEY’RE JUST LIKE US. Just kidding. I know he’s crazy. But I feel bad for him. It’s like he has nowhere else to go. He’s estranged from his parents, he’s too eager to please, and he was kinda in love with other-guy (what’s his name?), and now he’s gone back to crazy Emma with the wiiiiiild eyes. And now he’s killed! I’m afraid of what will come next for him! Is he bad, bad, bad now? Frown.

Speaking of crazy eyes, what about that blonde woman who was killing all the Claire Matthewses? I was terr-i-fied of her! Ugh. BUT, she got at the heart of something that needed to surface, didn’t she? She got Ryan to cop to his feelings for THE Claire? And it really took it out of him.

(Is it bad that I don’t care at ALL about the Ryan-Claire ‘ship? Because I don’t? I think Claire is kind of annoying? Am I alone? Why didn’t we see little Joey this week at all…?)

Soooo… We’ve got six episodes left — what’s gonna happen? I think some people are still gonna turn that we think are super legit. I kinda think Mike Weston could go… But more than that, I think that FBI lady from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a baddie. There’s something OFF about that cult history she’s got… Eh?

BEST GUESSES IN THE COMMENTS — DO IT!

Final thought: How do we feel about the fact that this show is gonna get another season? Weary that they won’t wrap this season up properly? Producers promise they will! But, we’ve heard that before… Whaddya think?

Strauss always be bummin’ people outtt. (Photo courtesy cbs.com)

CRIMINAL MINDS
CBS | Wednesday | 9:00 p.m.

Know what would have been a GENIUS move for Criminal Minds? If they’d had the cojones to pull off some of the stuff going down on The Following… Go with me, here, guys. The Following is so fresh! And new! And outside-the-box! But on a basic level, it’s very much the same show as Criminal Minds. Every week of CM the team is running down a crazy a la Joe Carroll. It’s just that The Following is taking WEEKS to do it (is it weeks, or days? It’s impossible to tell), and CM insists on cleaning things up within an hour. Even when they have a story arc that continues beyond one week, it feels formulaic and much like every other arc!

I know what you’re thinking — it’s just a different show with a different format. Fair enough. But how much fun (and how much more interesting?) would it be to see something a little more RAW and REAL on Criminal Minds? They don’t often get that involved in their work — but they could feel SOMETHING about it. 

I’m just getting a little worn out, guys. Penelope and Kevin, and JJ’s disjointed family life and Spence’s struggles to deal with the death of his ladyfriend… it’s all just fine. It’s just so… the same. You know?

Final thought: Then again, I’m sure CBS will try out some Following copycat show this fall anyway, so…

No, this is NOT the weirdest thing I’ve seen today. (Photo courtesy cbs.com)

CSI
CBS | Wednesday | 10:00 p.m.

I really just wanna talk about one thing, here. THAT AUTOPSY. No, CSI! BAD CSI! NOT COOL!

Please, stop.

Please, never do that again.

Ain’t no joke, guys. That was disturbing. I don’t want a corpse to be talking while it is being pieced apart and back together. NO I DO NOT. It was like American Werewolf ish up in here! Dead people haunting normal people!

I get it! It was supposed to be, like, funny? We were supposed to relate to it, because he was being tortured (EVEN AFTER HER DEATH) by the popular girl from high school? But it was g-r-o-s-s. I say, AH HELL NAH. NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

Just.not.okay. Amirite?

Final thought: And that dead girl? That’s Vivian from Deception! Ahaha… Insert dumb observation about typecasting.

Source: thatwrinklesmybrain