Yeahhh, nature’s not a big fan of the unnatural, homez. (Photo courtesy CBS)

CBS | Wednesday | 10:00 p.m.

I am starting to feel things for the little cyborg, guys! Like, he just wanted to skip rocks with his grandpa like a regular boy! And he just wanted to be imperfect like ALL THE HUMANS IN THAT AWFUL BAR! He just wants to be LOVED. (It’s his cyborg-brain trying to act human, you say? SHHHHHH.) When they kidnapped him and zapped him so hard that his system shut down? Well, I may or may not have yelled out a little “Noooooo!” in the general direction of my television. 

THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! I was convinced that the kid was the root of all evil and that it didn’t matter what all these other creepy wackadoos were up to because Ethan was gonna swoop in and wipe out existence AT ANY MOMENT! He’s got that terrifying stare, y’dig? Those vacant eyes! (P.S. The little dude playing Ethan is a DYNAMO with blank stares.) But now I feel BAD for the little poo. What an unexpected turn of events…

Elsewhere, Molly has officially been taken because HELLO supportive-nice-husband stuuupidly punched the cyborg-hating cop and landed in jail. Pro-tip: Maybs when you and your pregnant-with-an-alien-babe wife are on the run from crazy scientists you do your best to fly under the radar and NOT hit cops? Just a suggestion. We also met Molly’s dad, who seemed cool with the rock-skippin’, but wound up bein’ kinda a D to Ethan over the whole mess at the bar (gramps, he may be a cyborg, but STILL, taking a cyborg that looks 8 years old to a bar just ain’t right… don’t sit well with me, dude!). For a miiiiinute I definitely thought Ethan was going to kill the guy… but then he was taken from the car and I felt SO BAD FOR HAVING EVEN THOUGHT THAT.

Things just get crazier and crazier here, guysss. Do you think supportive-nice-husband is even legit? I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS BAD. NOW ALL I WANT IS FOR THE ROBOT TO LIVE! Just kidding. Once Molly gets those creepy bumps out of her stomach she can stay too……………

Final thought: What’s the word, guys? Lovin’ or leavin’ Extant?



Sometimes it just takes a weeee trip off the beaten path to find the REALLLL gems out there, eh? True in the real world… DOUBLE TRUE IN THE GUM WORLD? Guys — SO true in the gum world!

I’ve been so down on all of my recent gum purchases, buds. Gross cinnamon roll flavors (still can’t believe that’s a reality that we live with) and stupid strawberries and DRAGON FRUIT (WHAT!) and JELLY BEANS. It’s been a real rough year thus far for GUM DISCOVERIES. But pals… Alas, WINNER ZONE — here is your new bff, and its name is Coconut Lime.

This thing FO’ REAL has it all — spot-on flavor that’s sweet but subtle enough to be mega-tasty, REFRESHING (refreshing!!!), greattttt consistency and just, OMD;FLIASD;JFLASDJF, just generally so ENJOYABLE. I can’t say enough about this gum. It’s the best gum I’ve had in so, so long. (SO LONG! BIG TALK!) Top that off with the fact that just one pellet of the stuff is plenty for a good chew sesh AND that the flavor lasts for IONS. GUM GODS, I’M IN LOVE.

BUT THERE’S MORE. While I’m not mega-wild about the fact that Project 7 — which is, you’ll recall, doin’ good by the gum-chewing world — didn’t come up with a recyclable/compostable package in which to house this, I gotta give REAL BIG MARKS to this pouch concept. Has any other gum company tried this yet? Cuz it’s awesome. Just seal that puppy up and shove it all around in your purse/pocket/bag. It’s preeeeetty ingenious. And you know I dig me some packaging ingenuity

Flavor Strength: 10

Flavor Endurance: 10
Comments: It keeps going and going and going and going…

Final thought: MOST PLEASANT GUM EXPERIENCE OF RECENT MEMORY. Plz, pals, go out and find this. Order it from the site. IT’S MAGIC IN GUM FORM.


And who the hell even CARES about these idiots? (Photo courtesy TNT)

TNT | Monday | 10:00 p.m.

Yessssssssssssssssss, I am still watching. Yessssssssssssss, I still don’t REALLY know why. Yesssssssssssssssssss, I do appreciate that subtle, amazing Taye Diggs smile and MIGHT AGREE THAT THAT’S WHY I’M STILL WATCHING.

Cuz, what? This show. This show is like the most predictable turd ever. I mean, I get that it’s a concept. That we’re taking a case from Point A to Point B and that it’s supposed to be FASCINATING and DIFFERENT and FASCINATINGANDDIFFERENT, but, like, it’s just like every other cop show ‘round, and also SOMETIMES MOM NEEDS AN EXCITING REVELATION OR PLOT TWIST, Y’KNOW?

I’ve been seeeecretly thinking that Erich (and seriously who spells their GD name that way?!) was gonna wind up guilty even though all of my anti-typecasting good thoughts were hoping for the opposite. (Sorry, Draco!) Then, FAUX PLOT TWIST, he was declared innocent. And then, FAUX PLOT TWIST, he admitted his guilt to Cop 1 and Cop 2. (I mean, that says a lot when I don’t know their NAMES. Okay, JK, one is Terry English. Oh! Hildy! Okay…) YAWN DUHHHH. Nothing here has surprised me. And nothing here has been particularly fascinating or interesting OR DIFFERENT.


I get it. You’re thinking, “Bro, it’s TNT ‘n’ all.” But this summer TV “season” (if we can call it that) is a emm-eff-in’ WASTELAND, guys! I needed something! I thought maybe even TNT could supply it… But alas…

…at least that Taye Diggs smile is workin’.

Final thought: Who’s with me? Yay or nay?


Alien babe in my belly. Luv u tho. (Photo courtesy CBS)

CBS | Wednesday | 9:00 p.m.

Life is grimmmmmm when you’re harboring an alien baby in your womb, guys! Can you even belieeeve just how south things have turned for poor Molly? As if all of this post-space madness weren’t enough — now she’s ON THE RUN FROM EVERYONE. (Except her husband… Who, aside from his predilection for overlooking Cyborg-Damien’s homicidal tendencies — admittedly a pretty big flaw, I guess — is a REALLY TERRIFICALLY SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND. I mean, that was a lot to process and he performed like a champ!) She also just had the worst birthday party EVER (havin’ blood drawn for your alien baby DNA test is one thing, but seeing your dead husband’s brother having conversations with other guests at the party is a lil’ cuckoo-bananas, girlfriend). So, where do we even go from here?

ALL of the good people are now somehow mega-compromised — the crazy guy is MIA, the doc is in trouble and can’t process the DNA test, and the hub is on the run with Molly because THEIR HOUSE IS UNDER SIEGE. I’m so stressed out that I can hardly type this! They seem to have a real nice group of generic-looking well-to-do pals that can maybe help them through this TRYING TIME, but WHO THE HECK CAN WE EVEN TRUST. I’m scared, guy.s

And seriously, I have zero idea where this show is heading. I assume that eventually Molly will end up soaking her home in water and threatening to electrocute herself if Alien-Johnny Depp takes one step closer to her baby, that is riiiiiight before her motherin’ instincts kick in and she saves herself and the babe(s!) and raises them to be pilots “like their dad.” (No? Nobody else’s watched The Astronaut’s Wife 1,000 times??) BUT REALLY. Is it really a baby? It just looks like some freaky metal rings implanted in there to meeee! I’M BAD AT WATCHING THESE SHOWS. I HAVE TOO MANY QUESTIONS.

And what is gonna happen to Camryn Manheim? And why can’t I get over how much I hate Grace Gummer’s character? And why are SO many people after this poor lay-deeeee and her fam? (IT JUST ISN’T RIGHT.) AND WHEN WILL CYBORG-DAMIEN CRACK? (Pigeon pal, I predict you won’t be the last!)

Final thought: No, really. The slow development of Ethan’s creepiness is what is most upsetting to me. Sorry, Mol. That kid is scarayyy.



Hellooo, Arctic Grape vibez! Yep, this is our good ol’ pal Ice Breakers Ice Cubes in NORMAL GUM FORM! (<— Not technically.) But with less zing! And less charm! And, well, a lil’ tired at this point…

Wah wah wahhhh.

After the office fad ran aground last year and our taste for Arctic Grape began to fade, I kinda had to give up THE GREAT GRAPE GUM SEARCH altogether. WE COULD NEVER TOP ARCTIC GRAPE! (And by “top,” I really mean find something similar that we LOVED and then needed to spit out no longer than five minutes later, obvs.) Then this wee package of gum found its way into my hands and I became intriiiiiigued.

Sadly, it’s preeeetty typical. Also — big moment here, guys… — is it just me or is Orbit gum, kinda, like, liiiiike, JUST OKAY… all the time? I hate to lump things all together like that, and it seems unfair given that a particular flavor might hold some deliciousness that would supersede the importance of texture/longevity/important-gum-stuff… but… I’ve never really met a pack of Orbit that I couldn’t live without. Know what I’m sayin’?

I do commend Orbit for a line of gum that’s kid-friendly and starts a convo about dental care (<— safe way of saying I’m not sure how much value is in this thing, and even though it’s approved by the American Dental Association, I’m sure that shizz is rigged by advertising dolla signs like e’erything else). And GRAPE is probably way kid-friendly. But as an ADULT who’s HAD BETTER… I just can’t see this thing makin’ its way back into my own personal go-to gum collection. (Which, I can assure you, I DEFINITELY HAVE.)

Flavor Strength: 9
Comments: Totally. Fake-y grape fo’ days.

Flavor Endurance: 5
Comments: In fact, on my first piece I, without thinking, spit this out five minutes into chewing!

Final thought: It WILL, however, hit the gum collection that I keep on the end of my desk for my co-workers…


But where is your drawing of flowers? Horses? C’MON KID. (Photo courtesy CBS)

CBS | Wednesday | 9:00 p.m.


Lots of things happening. Too many things? Like, I’m into figuring out the links between Molly and Harmon. I’m lessssss interested in the competitive glance that John’s assistant(?) Julie gave Molly when she was at the lab, you know? Like, I don’t need marital strife to be a thing outside of the fact that THERE IS AN ALIEN (OR NOT?) IN THIS WOMAN’S ABDOMEN.

Tonight we found out that poor Harmon had a similar experience up in space as Molly — instead of a dead husband, this poor guy had his dead mother appear before him as she looked right before she died (and CRAP WAS THAT TERRIFYING). He tried and tried to get away from her, but it wasn’t until he sent her hurtling off into space that he was safe. (OR WAS HE?) Conclusions are made… including one from Cam-Manheim that says that he and Molly have the same neurological who-be-whatties happening in their brains. Molly concludes that they were both subjects of experiments by the space program, presumably to see juuuuust how far someone could be pushed in such extreme circumstances. Then she confronts the mean-looking guy from the space program (Mean-Looking Guy from the Space Program, I should say), and he prooooomises her that he knows nothing. BUT THEN, he goes over to Yasumoto and says that SOMETHING IS UP. THEY MUST CONTAIN THE SITUATION. (Those floating circles in her stomach? I HOPE THAT’S WHAT THEY MEAN.) 

Side note: Yasumoto has a finger-reader thingie that tells him he only has 100(+ ish, details schmetails) days to live. DOES THIS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE SPACE EXPERIMENTS?

Also, Ethan goes to the Natural History Museum and learns alllllll about extinction and the survival of the fittest from a handy-dandy robot. GEE THANKS! That creep-stare he gave Molly while telling her what he’d learned? That is the key to all of this. Ethan is gonna be runnin’ ish by the time this is all over…

Final thought: Translation — I have ZERO idea what is going on around here. But, like, I also feel like this might be the best/only thing that summer TV has to offer? That is, until Nicole Richie’s show debuts tomorrow?


Sorry, kid, I can’t even be swayed by your cuteness. (Photo courtesy The CW)

The CW | Monday | 9:30 p.m.

There is a special place in hell for summer television programming. Not for your Masters of Sexes, Orange is the New Blacks, etc. that simply make their yearly debut ‘round this time. But for that programming deemed unfit for the REST of the year on the major networks, during times in which they’d dump more energy, money and marketing behind them to give ‘em a real shot at MAKING IT. What future does the best summer programming have? If the networks had the foresight to plan like cable does, maybe somethin’. As is, NOTHIN’. As such, it’s a total dumping grounddd. And in the farrrrrest reach of that dumping ground, under a GIANT PILE OF CRAP… is The CW’s attempt at the half-hour sitcom. (To be fair — both of last night’s offerings originally ran in Canada to alleged success.)

I mean, GOOD LORD.

Let’s forget the fact that the 8:30 offering Backpackers was, like, hardly even a TV show, on top of being COMPLETELY devoid of ANYTHING interesting at all. Let’s forget that I got 10 minutes into that and had a total personal crisis (which happens lots this time of year) of DO I NEED TO WATCH THIS TO BLOG ABOUT IT OR CAN I SAVE THESE MOMENTS OF MY LIFE FOR SOMETHING BETTER? (I did the latter, there.)

Let’s focus instead on Seed, a sitcom that gives us a male central character, Don’t Remember His Name, we’ll call him, who gladly donated many-a sperm for some majorly needed $$, only to find somehow that two of the resulting children have reached out to him (within a day of one another because INTERNET). Heavy! But not. Not heavy — totes funny and stupid and AH GEE WHIZ! Not only do these two children latch onto Don’t Remember, a total doofus and not super clever or charming either, but they also completely envelope him into their lives WITHIN SECONDS. (LITERAL SECONDS.) Kid #1 is confessing that kids bully him. Kid #2 asks him to rescue her from a party. And then there are parents — seemingly good ones? — who rattle on about how Don’t Remember is a loser and what-not-why-don’t-their-kids-love-them.

It’s all pretty ABC Family or Nickelodeon. And maybe it’s supposed to be? But, like, give me a re-run of The Vampire Diaries or Reign, guys. Comedy just ain’t your THANG, C-Dubs! This is just too much/AWFUL-SO-AWFUL.

(You thought I forget about the lame and pathetic gay jokes? NOPE. SO MANY REPULSIVE THINGS I CAN’T EVEN DEAL WITH THEM ALL. But, seriously, get a grip, CW!)

Final thought: BUT ALSO — let’s imagine how great this concept for a show COULD have been? Don’t you kind of love this idea? Dangit! Let’s give NBC/ABC/CBS a couple of years to make an “American” version of the original…


Dear S-Webs, You guilty, bro? (Photo courtesy TNT)

TNT | Monday | 10:00 p.m.

Soooooooooo, where exactly are we going here, Murder In The First? You grabbed me early on with the idea that we were gonna investigate the snot out of this rich techie d-bag to see if he was really guilty of a crime that it seemed he was TOTALLY INCAPABLE of (mostly because, like, ding ding too easy, amirite?)… and now we’re getting prettyyyyy far into this. You’re either gonna have to crown him the anti-winner (GUILTY)… or you’re gonna have to start down a totally new path. Like, I hope it’s the latter but also… I’m kinda annoyed with you if that’s the case.

Who’s with me? (Is anybody still watching this thing?)

I love every single person on this show. I love weird, too-tough Hildy. I love smiley but abrasive Terry. (Have we even DEALT with his wife’s death in any real way, though? And, then… What was the freakin’ point of all that?) I love Richard Schiff! James Cromwell is so great! Even Steven Weber doesn’t bug me! (Sorry, S-Webs, but, you know…) And Tom Felton is doing the best real-world Draco EVER. This, I suppose, is what’s keeping me here in front of my TV screen each week.

'Cuz in terms of story… this thing is kinda takin' the wind out of my sails. There have been a couple of episodes that didn't even MATTER TO THE BIGGER NARRATIVE. There have been a couple of episodes that draggeddddd onnnnnn. There have been episodes when I had to perpetually rewind because I was busy staring at my phone/book/computer screen, bored with it. And now… Is Mark Strauss gonna be involved? Is his suicide letter a real admission of guilt? Or was it planted? (<— Duh, obvs.) BUT BY WHO? Blunty is surely being watched. Does he have minions afoot? OR HAVE WE BEEN BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE ALL ALONG?

I’m not sure if I’ll be more annoyed if Blunty IS the bad guy (YAWN) or if we back-peddle (which means they wasted SO MUCH TIME ALL OF THE TIME). Is this a mystery show, or just a careful examination of a case from start to finish? I’m starting to get worried, guyyyz…


Final thought: Taye Diggs taking down those dudes in the bar? Amazing.



Hmmm, is this the worst gum I’ve ever tasted… or the worst gum I’ve ever tasted? Sweet, terrible crapppppp this is awful. Sweet. Terrible. Crap. AWFUL. If there’s some joy to be taken from chewing this monstrosity of a gum, I’ve not found it. So embarrassed by OWNING this pack of gum, I’ve left it to fend for itself in the dark recesses of my purse, rather than subject my friends and family to its revolting too-sweet, gooey, grossness.

Does it even taste like a cinnamon roll? The question we must first ask ourselves is… SHOULD IT EVEN TASTE LIKE A CINNAMON ROLL? I mean, shoooooooot. Shoot, Extra Gum! WAS THIS NECESSARY? I’ve allowed you the apple pie, and I was hesitant on that peach cobbler stuff (cuz YUCK), but THIS IS JUST TOO FAR. AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T MADE THAT CHOCOLATE GUM I ASKED FOR 3 YEARS AGO. 

Jokes aside, this is too gross. And it doesn’t taste like cinnamon rolls (even though, SO WE’RE CLEAR, IT SHOULDN’T EVEN TRY!) And what’s grossest about it is that it takes what feels like EONS of time to get the dang taste out of your mouth, even after chewing it for a matter of a few moments (because, bro, you won’t be able to chew it for more than a matter of a few moments…).

I just can’t…

Flavor Strength: NOPE.
Comments: NOPE.

Flavor Endurance: NOPE CAN’T

Final thought: This post was originally going to just be the word “NOPE.” But, well, turns out I needed to say my piece… (Have you tried this? Did it make you feel, like, SO BARFY AND GROSS? Or………. DID IT NOT?)


In case you’re wondering, I’ve suffered enough. (Photo courtesy HBO)

HBO | Sunday | 10:00 p.m.


I just texted a friend who is similarly baffled by The Leftovers and gave her this advice re: tonight’s ep: “Just pretend you don’t realize it has zero to do with MOST of the information we’ve thus far been provided.” Because, like, what? Where did this come from? It’d be one thing if this was the FORMAT of the show, if every week we were given a lil’ glimpse into the reality of one of the “leftovers”… but that hasn’t been the case. And from the look of the previews it isn’t GONNA be the case, so…? What gives?

That said, this was the best episode so far… Riiiight?

I KNOW. What? But it had FOCUS, didn’t it? It had a STORY to tell. That story was still bleak as shizz, but it had something to DO. It had MOVEMENT. It wasn’t just about who the mopiest member of the mopey leftovers was. It wasn’t a wackadoo narrative tangle of people we mostly despise and feel nothing for…

We got a glimpse into some realities, here — what the disappearance did and the impact it had. Problem is, we got just a tiny little glimpse. One person’s glimpse. And then we got a linear story that had, nearly, ZERO to do with the disappearance at all. We got a dude at a casino getting mugged! It was mysterrrious and stressssssful (like I was holding my breath through all that gambling — ugh), but it was, like, an episode of a different TV show. A TV show that this is not. A TV show that is also not the TV show appearing in the “in the coming weeks” clip at episode’s end.


And did anyone find it a lil’ cruel that Rev. Matt told his sister that her husband who disappeared (along with her kids, ohhhh that lady? Yep SIBLINGS) was having an affair? Like, why was that appropriate? Leave her aloneee. (ALSO — are her and Hot Cop gonna haaang “in the coming weeks”? Looks that way…)

Leftovers, I need you to figure out whatchu wanna BE! Dream big! Aspire to greatness! But don’t leave me each week wondering if I’m gonna return the next… Dig?

Final thought: I did love the part where Amy Brenneman was sitting outside her old house. Apparently she isn’t quiiiiiiite sold on that quiet life, eh? One question, though. IF THEY ARE GOING TO WRITE SO MANY NOTES, WHY DON’T THEY JUST SPEAK?


Dumb and dumber and dumber..er? (Photo courtesy NBC) 

NBC | Thursday | 9:30 p.m.

Whoever told the geniuses at NBC that having a Barenaked Ladies song as your theme music was a sure-fire route to comedy gold NEEDS TO BE FIRED. This “Odds Are…” blah blah song was nottttt the way to start or end this show. This is how BNL survive the modern age? And here I was okay with them existing in my rearview….

It’s hard to say just yet if Working the Engels is gonna be silly and stupid and fun or silly and stupid and stupid, but I’m willing to give it a go (for another week?) for ANDREA MARTIN. Let’s face it, this pilot was a little goofy (like SO goofy, like TOO goofy), but maybe it’ll hit a groove and work all right. Andrea Martin is the shizz, so she has earned a few opportunities to make it happen! She’s Phyllis Stein from Hedwig! Aunt Voula from My Big Fat Greek Wedding! A Second City (TV) alum! A TONY AWARD WINNER.

The nincompoop children could use a little massaging personality-wise — officially ZERO of them seem like real humans — but they’re not yet INTOLERABLE. The storyline of the wacky mom is never something I hate, and Martin is a STAR when it comes to wacky. Like, the best.

Anybody else getting Ed and Harry’s Law vibes from the “return home and become a goofy lawyer” theme? NBC is just hitting the wall, amirite? We’ll see…

Final thought: Who watched? Will you watch again?


There’s no place like home. (Photo courtesy NBC)

NBC | Thursday | 9:00 p.m.

Real quickly, gotta talk about howww awkward these commercials cuts were on Welcome to Sweden last night. Like, the one where American Guy (I dunno names) was at the dinner table with them and was recollecting about telling Amy Poehler he was leaving for Sweden and it cut, like, in the middle of it? And came back at the first second of the recollection? There wasn’ta  better moment to cut that? Weak.

Anyway — this thing is pretty cute! I love the judgy mom and the sweet dad and the weirdo bro! I don’t know how much yet I care about the central couple, but maybs I’ll learn to love them! And those translation captions that everyone is talking about are a-ok in my book. Fun, funny, and hella charming! Let’s see where this thing goes…

Also, Greg Poehler = dream casting of Greg Kinnear’s lil bro. Like, his facial expressions! Like, whoa.

Final thought: Don’t hate that intro tune by The Sounds neitha!


But who the hell gave me this weird ponytail? (Photo courtesy CBS)

CBS | Wednesday | 9:00 p.m.

Fullyyyyyy expected to haaaate this. I just knewww this was gonna be the exact kinda show that I don’t like. BUT THEN… Kinda loved Extant.

(Totes aware that I’ve false alarmed on the “into it” declaration on a couple things recently — last one being that Last Ship show. Truthfully I didn’t totally see that coming. I just got to the following Sunday/2nd ep and was like “Ehhhh? EHHHH? Ehhhhhhhh.” Sorry, McSteamy.)

There was so much to process here. Halle Berry’s been gone in space for over a year on a solo mission, leaving her husband and son behind. BUT her son is actually a robot, created by her hub, who is now exhibiting some creeeeeepy (MURDEROUS, just sayin’) signs of malfunction. And that solo mission? Yeah it was haunted by her dead ex husband. BUT ALSO MAYBE HE WAS REAL CUZ WAAAAAH SHE PREGNANT.

Like if that wasn’t enough there’s all these creepos at the science-y place she works for trying to figure out WHAT HAPPENED UP THERE during the 13 hours of footage she erased. (And who wouldn’t do that? Aside from it being SO embarrassing that she was making out with the air, I’m sure that’d call into question all kindsa FITness for such work…) What’s the rich guy have to do with it? How long will Camryn Manheim keep her secret? WHERE DID THAT HARMON GUY COME FROM (aside from, like, white knight-crazy guy on Sex & the City, amirite?)? And WHEN IS THAT FREAKY LITTLE KID GONNA SNAP AND KILL ME?

Guys, like, what am I saying? It’s so sci-fi and I HATE sci-fi! I’ve never seen Star Trek! Never watched a Star Wars movie! My eyes glazed over through those first three X-Men movies cuz zzzzzz-science&make-believe and I HATE ALL THE SPIELBERG SCIENCE MOVIES (espesh the one with Jude Law as a gigolo — I mean, what?). I even just lumped all that stuff into one category because I DON’T GET IT AT ALL. And maybe/definitely this concept is pretty dumb… But I’m kinda fascinated. I’m kiiiinda plannin’ on coming back for more Extant. (No really, I full on SET THE DVR).

Final thought: What did you think?


Hunky and pensive… ‘bout bagels. (Photo courtesy HBO)

HBO | Sunday | 10:00 p.m.

Dear The Leftovers… We gotta have a talk. We’re two weeks into this and you’re leavin’ me a little ehhh. You’re all bleak and no sunshine! You’re all questions without answers! Things are DARK AND GETTING DARKER! And I don’t know what I’M EVEN DOING. I’m intrigued! But do I caaaare yet? Do I care enough to keep watching? 

I think we can help each other out. After all, this week you revealed some of the secrets of last week, didn’t you! I found out that Wayne is creepier than I realized! I found out that the mayor likes to kiss Kevin’s dad! I found out that Amy Brenneman DOES realize how hot her husband is! (I did not find out why he is so YOUNG compared to her and the relative ages of their children…) I found out that Liv Tyler is in the house of cult newbs and that’s why she can talk. (I did not find out why these people incessantly write notes to one another instead of JUST TALKING. Like, if you’re going to communicate anyway…)

Thing is, all that ish is REAL MINOR. REAAAAAL MINOR.

I need more form the Guilty Remnant, guys. I gotta know what the eff these people are about. I need to know why they think they REMEMBER in some way that’s so much more profound than e’erybody else. (Because from what I can see, eeeeeeverybody is still pretty messed up over this stuff!) I gotta know what Kevin’s wife lost that shoved her over to the dark side. I gotta know why they are always doing these bizarre tasks, why they wear so much white, and why they STALK PEOPLE… and how they CHOOSE THE PEOPLE THEY STALK.

That’s, like, ONE arm of this puzzle! There’s Kevin’s dad! There’s Wayne! THERE’S SO MUCH JUST TO DO WITH WAYNE! There’s the seemingly pointless storyline about the daughter and her nosy best friend (who, basically, SUCKS). Why is the son out with the Wayne guy — what pushed him away? WHY IS THE GIRL SO IMPORTANT!? IS THE GUY KILLING DOGS REAL OR IN KEVIN’S MIND? IS THE DAD TALKING TO THE DEPARTED?


Surely this is gonna get better… Surely you’re gonna give me something that’ll make me feel like we’re GETTING SOMEWHERE. I didn’t even MENTION the actual EVENT that caused all of this. I don’t even CARE about that! I’ve fully accepted that I won’t find that out! But let’s work together on this, eh?

'Cuz that bagel storyline tonight was preeetty genius.

Sincerely, TV&GAA

Final thought: Dear readers, what do YOU think?



[drinking intensifies]

Glory days. Le sigh.

Source: shialablunt