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Gawddd, our kid sucks. (Photo courtesy NBC)


PARENTHOOD
NBC | Thursday | 10:00 p.m.

We’re in this position right now with Parenthood that the days are numbered, we all know that now, and we ALSO happen to know that ONE of our dear characters is not gonna make it to the veryyy end of the season (and therefore live on forever in our hearts!). That’s all heartbreaking. (IT IS. IT’S TV BUT IT IS, GUYS.) What’s making it EXTRA heartbreaking is allllllll the bogus stuff that we’re being subjected to in the meantime.

Here’s what I’m INTO — I’m into Adam and Kristina hanging out with Camille and Zeek. That scene where Adam comforted his mother over her concerns about Zeek “giving up”? That was freaking amazing. It also gave way to the other best scene of the night, which was Kristina relating to Zeek (cancer card!) and getting his ass off the couch. It was great. Kristina pulled off something that none of the siblings could do! She’s got that strategy on lockdown… politician up in here, remember.

I also loved the scene with Zeek reassuring Julia that she’s a good mom and asking her to put her head on his shoulder. Like, ugh, Papa Zeek, yr killin’ me. This sentimentality just isn’t like him! IN FACT, all of this sentimentality is leading me to believe that it will NOT be Zeek who shuffles off the mortal coil this season — this show doesn’t necessarily pride itself on shock value, but doesn’t Zeek just seem like TOO obvious a choice? There’s the health matter, of course, but all of these built-in precious moments and memories… I have to believe it can’t all be that predictable…? (I’m in denial? It’s possible I’m in denial…)

BUT THEN THERE’S ALL THIS USELESS CRAP GOING ON AROUND US.

There’s OLIVER. Cuz Oliver wasn’t annoying enough when he was making our two fave brothers quarrel and bringing in outsiders who were gonna rattle up RyBer (side note: that shizz needed to be rattled, but I’m building a case here…) — now Oliver is IN OUR FINAL SEASON AND MAKING CROSBY ALL MOPEY. Now Crosby is out riding his death machine again and I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT! I don’t like the look of those bruises, I don’t like that motorcycle, and I haaaate what this is doing to the communication between him and Jasmine. (ALSO a great scene — that brief moment where Jasmine & the kiddos went to visit Zeek. Everybody loves Zeek so much!!!)

AND RAY ROMANO. Are they kidding me with this stuff? This horrific daughter drama would be bad enough if we were suffering it in a different season, but NOW? You give this to me NOW? This is STUPID. This is a waste of my TIME. These extra characters are suuuper unnecessary and they are also kinda killin’ the likable vibes that Sarah and Hank had going (and those weren’t super awesome anyway…). JUST GO AWAY TEENAGER.

Max’s girlfriend, whatever. Amber having a new love interest, okay. Julia and Joel, yes we need to figure that out. (DON’T GET ME STARTED ON SYDNEY BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THESE DARK THOUGHTS THAT I HAVE.) But seriously… Zeek. Just Zeek. Let’s just figure out a way to make Zeek live forever. Can everybody dedicate more time to THAT? We’ll worry about this other stuff… never.

Final thought: Do you feel the same? And how great was EVERY ZEEK SCENE?

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MAGOO. (Photo courtesy NBC)


A TO Z
NBC | Thursday | 9:30 p.m.

So the outlook is not good for NBC’s Thursday night comedies. Ratings are dismal, and it’s quite possible that they are HURTING the final season of Parenthood (an obvs unforgivable offense). On top of that, the shows aren’t very good, right? I mean, Bad Judge is an embarrassing misuse of the divine Miss Kate Walsh (another horrible offense), and A to Z is just… lacking.

I gotta question a show from the onset that’s very premise sets it up for just one season, but ALSO the idea that this show is baaasically giving us the ending before delivering any of the goods is REAL SUSPECT. Like I’m supposed to read the end of the book before I start chapter one?

It’s charming, you say! What a fun concept! And, guys, I love a concept. I do! (Unless we’re talking about KISS’s Music From the Elder because — while I own that and have listened to it more than once — “World Without Heroes” is just the worst song ever written.) But the thing is… WHY would we care enough about these two new people you’re forcing on us, when we already know that they are headed for disaster? And what’s more… when we know that they were together 8 months and blah blah days and 1 hour… we know that the show is going to be about ups and downs and turmoil and happiness and ALL THAT STUFF. Who cares? These are strangers to us! It’s no Mindy and Danny that we’re already invested in! Why do we want to invest in something that we already know doesn’t work out? I don’t have time for this shizzzzzz.

Sure, it’s charming. And it’s even pretty believable because it’s occasionally SO, SO awkward. We’re three episodes in and I STILL find it charming. I still find it charming despite the fact that these two lead characters are the most MAGOO characters/actors that are currently sharing space on a TV. 

But it won’t last. Like, statistically, and, because… nobody cares.

Final thought: Am I wrong?

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I’m KILLING this, but you’re just an idiot. (Photo courtesy NBC)


BAD JUDGE
NBC | Thursday | 9:00 p.m.

Guys, I know this show is terrible. I know I’m supposed to hate it, and in most ways I *DO* hate it. I do. I hate how predictable everything is. I hate what a stereotype everyone is. I hate how hokey all the jokes are. I hate how TYPICAL every single thing about it is. 

BUT KATE WALSH.

I don’t know where my love comes from, but Kate Walsh is like my new Maria Bello. (My serious love for Maria Bello, you’ll recall, had me trying SO HARD to love Prime Suspect.) There’s just something about her. I loved what I saw of her on Grey’s, and that transferred over to my extreme love of her on Private Practice. Then she had that brief stint last year on Fargo that I was obsessed with… NOW she has this terrible show that I can’t stop watching.

I’m transfixed by her! Everything here — the attitude, the stupid headphones, the dry delivery, the winks and even those damn outfits that are in NO way age or occupationally appropriate! If only this SHOW was better, because she’s great here. Snarky and funny and sharp and she lands all those lines with such skill. 

PLUS RYAN HANSEN.

Ugh. Somebody get Ryan Hansen on a show that works ASAP, pretty please. And, uh, Kate Walsh, while you’re at it.

Final thought: Is this basically Bad Teacher revisited? Just realized that parallel… AND THE RYAN HANSEN CONNECTION. Original ideas? Anyone?

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Fiona does NOT appreciate it when you make fun of her romper! (Photo courtesy NBC)


ABOUT A BOY
NBC | Tuesday | 9:30 p.m.

In a perfect world, my two favorite comedies would NOT be at war at the 9:30 p.m. time slot on Tuesday. I mean, what are the ODDS, you know? It’s a tough call on which to watch LIVE each week (our DVR records two shows, and I don’t like to be a TV hog — though, I get it, all evidence may lead you to the contrary…), but I tenddd to go About A Boy over The Mindy Project

The reasons for that are two-fold — ONE, I find that Peter Prentice and Morgan Tookers OFTEN must be rewound and rewatched MANY times throughout any given episode, and ABOUT A BOY JUST MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD. These characters are ALL so tolerable and LIKABLE and refreshing and honest and mayyybe they are sometimes a little on the goofy side, but DAMMIT the whole thing is so wholesome and lovely!!!! IT’S JUST NICE TELEVISION. There’s nothing racy or risque or dark or weird or SEXY about this show. This show is just a show with cute jokes and nice fun. THIS is a sitcom that you could watch with your kiddos and there aren’t a ton of those on right now. (Granted, maybe you’d have to have a chat about “vasectomy,” and/or just skip over that part — kids only process what they understand, riiiiiight?)

A few things here as we head into season two — Marcus needs Will, so I’m gonna need Will and the doctor lady (I’VE QUITE HONESTLY FORGOTTEN HER NAME ALREADY) to break up already. Will needs to get back to the city, back to his old life, and back on Marcus’ team. I think that’s obvious, OKAY? We seeeeeeem to be laying the groundwork for such a thing — notice Will moping to Fiona about how Doctor Lady didn’t bat an eye when he said he needed to be away? (Also, they didn’t add her name to the opening credits, but I DO believe they DID add Annie Mumolo. Just sayin’.) Now, let’s not give Will any undue credit… homegirl should be laying down some law on this bagel search business, but still. I don’t care about her, I only care about Will and… well, sorry Doctor Lady. kthx.

Second — we’ve had but one season of lil’ boy Marcus and now Marcus is changing. Honestly, that voice. They can throw this kiddo in those awkward little boy clothes for a few more months, but the ill-fitting gear can’t hide his transition to adulthood. That was WAY apparent in this first ep of the new season, and it kinda sorta bummed me out — historically these things just don’t age well, y’know? Let’s not get started on Two & A Half Men because I don’t wanna make that comparison a thing

I’m so glad this thing is BACK ON MY TV. Things just feel a little better. And I think I’m gonna need this around post-Parenthood. Maybe we can even get Crosby to hang with Will on occasion? Wishful thinking? I THINK I COULD HAPPEN.

Final thought: But, like, what happened on The Mindy Project?

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More of this, pretty please? (Photo courtesy NBC)


MARRY ME
NBC | Tuesday | 9:00 p.m.

OH MAN, I HATE THIS SHOW. Haaaaate. Haaaaaaaaaaate. I feel like I’ve been robbed of 30 mins ( minus the DVR commercials minutes, ‘course) of my LIFE. I feel like I knew halfway through (or, like, 3 minutes in?) that this was going to a bad place and STILL I WATCHED. 

I watched because of Ken Marino. Dude has had a hand in two of my absolute favorites things to ever happen on television (AND IN LIFE IN GENERAL, GUYS) — Veronica Mars and Party Down. This is Vinnie Van Lowe! I can’t leave Vinnie hangin’! IT’S ANY VERONICA MARS FANS’ DUTY. 

But alas, dear gawd. I know there are Happy Endings folks out there who are going to sing the praises of Casey Wilson, and I’d assuredly hear your case in either direction BELIEVE ME, but… I can’t take this in this capacity. The opening scene of this thing threw this woman into the most un-dig-out-able hole that I’ve ever seen ANYWHERE, and she didn’t do much to recover from it throughout the ep. This is LOUD and ABRASIVE and LOUD television, and it ain’t my speed at all. There were a few mere moments of reprieve — flashback one, but not flashback two, aghhhh — and they felt infinitely more watchable than the rest, in myyy opinion…. but then they vanished quicker than they’d appeared!

It’s a bummer. There’s such good stuff here. Vinnie Van Lowe. Tim Meadows! That guy who plays Bevers on Broad City! I mean, shooooooot! But I don’t think I can do it. I can’t take it. I can’t staaand it. I can’t handle it. 

Final thought: OMG, so, like, I might give it a couple more episodes. (VINNIE VAN LOWE, GUYS!). What about you?

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THIS. Just this. (Photo courtesy NBC)


PARENTHOOD
NBC | Thursday | 10:00 p.m.

PARENTHOOD, stop it with all your DEATH TRAPS! First you throw out this health condition of Zeek’s and expect us to just rolllllll with the possibility of arguably the show’s BEST character being on death’s door — because, that’s right, you straight up TOLD US that SOMEONE is gonna die this season! — and then you send Crosby hurtling around sharp turns at high speeds on his motorcycle?! GUYS! GUYYYYYS! Frickin’ stoppit. Was anyone else troubled by Crosby’s lingering pains? Was anyone else worrying that something more is gonna happen there? And what is with the clip in the preview about Zeek just sitting around all the time post-surgery? GUYS THE STRESS IS TOO MUCH. I CAN’T LOSE A BRAVERMAN.

I mean, f’real, Hank, I love you… but you’re at the top of my Acceptable Deaths List, one slot above your daughter (cuz WHOA she’s a kid, that’s cruel) and two slots above Ryan (cuz I MEAN I DON’T WANT HIM TO *DIE*). 

Oooooooooooooooooooooof.

So much to deal with here.

Thank goodness that Amber is coming to her senses on the Ryan situation. Who else was sitting on their couch all, “Whoaaaaa girllllllll!”? Sure, I thought for a brief moment last season that Amber maybe, sorta plotted this whole pregnancy thing in her mind when she decided to, errrrrr, climb atop that hospital bed (still pretty freaked out about that), but her readiness to jump into Ryan’s arms after their WHOLE ENGAGEMENT WAS BROKEN OFF BY HIS NEED TO DEAL WITH HIS SHIZZ was troubling. Good ol’ Drew, steerin’ the good-sense ship! In case you were keeping track, that is officially the first time the character of Drew has ever been allowed to serve any real purpose. Go Drew! (Don’t be too harsh, broz, but think about it. Poor kid is basically just a pretty face, with problems completely disconnected from the real dramz. I’m not sayin’ I like it…)

In other news, valuable moments were wasted on the Hank and his daughter and his annoying ex-wife situation. This is the dumbest thing to ever happen in the final season of a beloved show. Like, WHY DON’T YOU GUYS ALL JUST MOVE BACK TO WHEREVER-I-DON’T-REMEMBER-CUZ-I-NEVER-CARED-ABOUT-YOU. That is all.

Joel. JOEL. Buddy! Buddy, my heart is breaking for you! My heart is breaking for you MOSTLY because you are suffering the consequences of the stupid-ass, outta-character words that the evil show writers put in your mouth last season. It ain’t fair buddy — you hardly knew what you were SAYING, amirite? THAT’S BECAUSE IT WAS THE SHOW’S MAJOR MISSTEP — but it’s how it goes. Will we get a reunion in the end? I dunno, Twizzlers dude is scoring all the points these days. (And his loving memories of Zeek, and adorable long-time crush on Julia? I was kinda digging it, too. Even though it feels so WRONG.)

Zeek and Camille are breaking my heart every week, man. This relationship took such a major (and annoying) beating last season, that it’s really tremendous to get to see it in this fully-functioning and fully-appreciative form. We’re getting a peek at what makes this relationship and family WORK, the foundation of its very existence (<—whoa. dig?), and it’s the best part of the season so far.

NOW JUST LET EVERYONE LIVE AND I’LL FORGIVE YOU FOR JOEL, PARENTHOOD. kthx.

Final thought: I know it’s TOTALLY uncool to have a Parenthood Acceptable Deaths List, but, like, who’d be at the top of yours?

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Did I mention there’s singing??? (Photo courtesy FX)


AMERICAN HORROR STORY
FX | Wednesday | 10:00 p.m.

Welp, welcome to my nightmares, John Carroll Lynch! Playing a character called “Twisty the Clown,” the man once known as Drew Carey’s cross-dressing brother on The Drew Carey Show has entered newwwwwww territory — of frightening, horrific NIGHTMARE-INDUCING HORROR. Who wants to guess that that flap on top of his head is SOMEONE ELSE’S HEAD? Who wants to guess that there is SOMETHING REALLY BAD UNDER THAT MOUTH MASK? I can’t even. The places this could go are TOO scary. And I’ll tell you one thing, about theeeee last place you’re gonna find me for the next few days/weeks/years/decades is a picnic by a lake. JUST SAYIN’.

So, yeah. A new season of American Horror Story has arrived, eh? Cards on the table — I made it 1.5 episodes into last season before I found myself a wee bit toooooo scared and without my roommate for mental solidarity. Alone? I can’t watch this stuff alone! (EXCEPT I DID TONIGHT, AND OMG.) I don’t know if Freak Show was actually easier to watch, or grabbed my attention quicker, or if the next .5 episodes will turn me away as quickly, but daaaang I’m intrigued right now…

Casting, as always, MAJOR. But, like, next level here. Sarah Paulson plays conjoined twins with varying degrees of eeevil in their eyes. Kathy Bates plays a bearded lady with a reeeally tough accent to nail down. Evan Peters is a lobster boy whose hands do… well, this is a family blog. And the divine Miss Lange is craaazy and vulnerable and messy and craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy. It’s a magical mess, folks. Not to mention the rest of this crew — tall ladies, short ladies, dopey dudes — and NOT TO EVEN BEGIN TO DISCUSS THE GUY WHO BITES THE HEADS OFF OF THINGS FOR THE HELL OF IT (that visual will be in my brain FOREVER AND I CAN’T UNSEE IT). I mean… this is a lot to process.

And from the look of things, this is juuuuust the beginning. There’s a police investigation brewing into the murder of the cop who came a-callin’ for our two-headed lady-pal (and a lil’ something brewin’ in the feels department between her and lobster boy, eh?). Did I mention that the gang at the freak show MURDERED A POLICE OFFICER? Cuz, yep. And there’s Fraulein Elsa’s strange obsession with… her own fame? And that guy and his mom who stopped by and his… weird interests??? Angela Bassett is still incoming… So is Emma Roberts… And Wes Bentley… AND DID I MENTION THERE’S A MURDERY CLOWN AROUND?

This is just the beginning… And knowing I won’t be able to handle it all… Let’s just say our goodbyes on this now…

Final thought: I’m gonna try, guys. But I’m real scared. Send positive thoughts, mmk? (Oh, and, uh, did YOU watch? What did you think?)

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Puttin’ dat Dalton Academy education to USE! (Photo courtesy The CW)


THE FLASH
The CW | Tuesday | 8:00 p.m.

Oh heyyy, fun new thing on The CW! I could get into this! I felt so left out when I never started watching Arrow — and when it made a lil’ cameo in this premiere I was momentarily like “Aw, nahhh, is this a spin-off, DO I NOT KNOW ENOUGH TO BE HERE?” but then I calmed down again — but NOW I feel like I have a second chance, of sorts. (And also, MAYBE I’M GONNA GIVE UP ON GOTHAM NOW FOR REALZ?)

And this could be fun, right? It’s got some real charm. A cutie lead, a cute sidekick GF-figure who is dating an annoying guy, another cute sidekick GF-figure who is that crazy girl who killed her mom on SVU, and it’s got TOM CAVANAGH and JESSE L. MARTIN WHO IS AWESOME. I mean, really, for a C-Dubs show, this thing has got some heft.

(Know what I could do without, though? Tom Cavanagh playing these creepy, wild-eyed, high-energy wackadoos. First last year’s perf in The Following as the preacher, and now this weirdo. It HAS, however, re-established him in my brain and now I’m spelling — his form of —  ”Cavanagh” correctly on the regs — so… not all bad.)

Did Grant Gustin win the Glee Project grand prize or what? Kid’s got star power, and it’s put to great use here! Winning smile, bright, shiny face and LOTS of energy and excitement for the work. I’m into it. I’m also SO into his love of Jesse L. Martin and Dawson Leary’s dad. Some good relationships to mine here, guys!

What IS Tommy Cavanagh’s character up to? And can Flashy get his daddio released from prison so he can get back to the Creek? (The whole of my life can be summarized in telling you that when I saw John Wesley Shipp on screen, I immediately said, “Back to you, Bob” — with soft B’s, obvs — out loud to my empty living room. YEAH THAT HAPPENED.) And can The Flash and that adorbs BFF of his JUST DATE ALREADY? IT’S KILLING ME!…………………..

Until next week… Same Flash time… Same Flash channel… Eh?

Final thought: Did you watch? Whaddya think?

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Quick, do something awkward with your hands if you’re not sure how life got so complicated. (Photo courtesy The CW)


REIGN
The CW | Thursday | 9:00 p.m.

Oh, Reign. Ohhhh, Reign. After LOVING YOU SO MUCH early in your first season, I sloooowly lost interest in you mid-way through the same season, and nowww I’m not so sure I can give an hour of my week each and e’ery week to your plague-ridden storyline. Like, the LITERAL PLAGUE. Srsly?! There are so many opportunities for swashbuckling and brother drama and, GAWWW, even myyysterrrrious supernatural castle happenings… and we’re going with THE BLACK PLAGUE? Eyurghhhh.

Are we stuck on historical timelines here? Is this not a part of Mary’s reign that we could have forgotten about? It’s just so… depressingggggg.

On the flip side, maybs we can use it as a means by which to kill off the show’s most grating characters, and emerge a lil’ fresher? Not to be harsh, but some house cleaning here could be AWESOME, amirite? Yes, yes, yes… Letttttt’s see… I don’t want Kenna to go. And Bash needs to stay. I wouldn’t hate it if Lola got on that boat, you know? But, like, whatever, she’s Mary’s pal. I respect that. Queen Mama can defs go, I think her reign (PUNS FOR DAYS) of terror has officially played outtt. Who else? Fantasy time, guyyys!

More than anything, I JUST WANT MARY AND FRANCIS TO BE TOGETHER AND HAVE SOME SEMBLANCE OF HAPPINESS. Can we ever get some of that for two consecutive episodes? THAT IS WHAT I WANT OUT OF THIS SHOW. THAT IS ALL I EVER WANTED.

Anyway, all this to say… I’m back in for now. Are you still watching?

Final thought: Historical timelines in mind, I have to remind all-a-yous that Francis died 17 months after taking the throne. So, like, don’t let that bum you out but… there it is, you know? :\

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Like, I love you Alaric, but you’re no Damon, y’know? (Photo courtesy The CW)


THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW | Thursday | 8:00 p.m.

Ohhhhh emmmm geeeeee, this season of TVD is off to, like, the best start EVER! When was the last time we felt so confident about the direction of this show!? Please, let’s spend the bulk of the season just trying to GET DAMON AND BONNIE BACK. No travelers, or town curses, or Originals… Just our buddies trying to find their buddies!

Sure, everything/one is disjointed and things feel a lil’ weird. SURE, Jeremy is apparently a drunk, Elena is a drug addict, Stefan has abandoned everyone and Caroline is the only one seemingly keeping it together. I mean, it just wouldn’t be The Vampire Diaries if things were OKAY, you know? There’s just so much potential for good stuff here.

PLUS, DAMON AND BONNIE ARE TOTALLY OKAY, GUYS! Whatta relief! Two of our faves, previously loooooost to us forever, are safe and sound in some alternate universe where everything looks MOSTLY like real life (maybe sans witchy/vamp-y powers?), and PANCAKES ARE REGULARLY CONSUMED. That life isn’t so bad. In fact, wherever they ARE, I’d like to be, f’real. I think all of these people could use a little time there, in fact. Looks perfect, right? Now, if only poor little Elena could know that everything is okay…

Cuz one thing that I *won’t* be able to handle on repeat this season is scenes like that one that transpired after Elena took her last dose of magic juice and said goodbye to Damon all over again. I wasn’t even ON Damon’s team in the bro-divide, but daaaaang those scenes make me sad. In fact, when fake-Damon crouched down next to Elena and put his fake-hand on her shoulder, I said aloud to my room, “GAWD, this is sad.” So, like. Let’s stop. Maybs Elena can get a clue earlier than later that there is life outside of her realm? I have to think if she knew about that vampire pancake, she’d be feelin’ a little better, you know?

And so would Stefan. And Stefan is forever my top priority, guys. I’m totally down for him shacking up with his mystery lady out in the middle of nowhere — mostly, let’s be real, because him in his mechanic clothes IS A THING THAT’S REAL NICE TO LOOK AT— but I still know he’s hurting. And I no want him to hurt…

Final thought: While we’re at it, let’s let Jer-Bear know about their existence too, cuz, like, bro is in free fall. <3 LET’S JUST LET EVERYONE KNOW, OKAY?

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MerrrrrErrrrrrUhhhhhhWhatev. (Photo courtesy CBS)


CRIMINAL MINDS
CBS | Wednesday | 9:00 p.m.

Each season, I hit a wall with Criminal Minds and tell myself that mayyybe it’s time to give up on it. Mayyybe I’ve been grossed out TOO much and for the TOO many-eth (that’s a thing) time. It was mid-way through last season, and 3/4 of the way through the season before that. This season? Mayyybe already there. 

I mean, I can watch Kerr Smith do many things. Raise his BFF Jen Lindley’s baby as his own after her untimely death! Be a jerk to Devon Sawa because he’s, like, SO sure that fate is not a thing! But, watching Kerr Smith stroke a recently-severed limb because it gets him hot and bothered? UMMMMMMKNOTHX. Can’t do it! NOPE! NOOOOOOOPE! Moving on…

Just no. Right? NO. And this is gonna be a recurring storyline throughout the season? Well color me… barfy. Can’t do it.

Let’s switch subjects and talk about Jennifer Love Hewitt. Oh, wait, we don’t really want to? Because so far she adds nothing to the show or the dynamic of the team or… ANYTHING EVER WHY DOES SHE STILL HAVE A CAREER? Well, that seems harsh, bro, but okay. You’re right. So, uhhh…

LET’S TALK ABOUT SPENCER REID’S HAIR? Is it humid in D.C. this time of year, Spence? Lookin’ a lil frizzy… But I’ll take the length and the natural vibes. You got this. Good lookin’ out.

Final thought: HAIR. I tune in for HAIR, guys. What about you? Still IN this thing for the long haul? And if so, wanna just keep me posted on major developments so I don’t have to tune innn?

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  • Question: I completely agree with your entire review of the first episode of parenthood's season 6!!!!!! ZEEK BETTER NOT DIE. Zeek and camille are my fave couple. Julia and Joel come next so they better get their shit together!!!! - fascinatingadventures
  • Answer:

    I think a Julia-Joel reunion has just got to happen, don’t you think?!?!?! I don’t like that they are trying to make me feel sympathy for Julia’s self-discovery that’s happening right now. JUST NO. Just, huh-uh.

    :)

    Thanks for reading! More on Parenthood very soon…

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But, like, f’real, just button your blouse up. (Photo courtesy CBS)


STALKER
CBS | Wednesday | 10:00 p.m.

Guys, I had a moment this week where I was all, “Maybe there is just too much TV in my life! Maybe these precious moments that I spend on the couch are better utilized in more constructive activity! WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING WITH OURSELVES!?!” And it’s true, I mean… let’s all agree to read more books, k? But also, I’m here to stay. TV is an escape and sometimes we neeeeeeeed escapeeeee. (Damn, I’ve been working SO much that the mind-numbing B.S. of some of TV’s WORST even seems appealing — I mean I’M WATCHING TOP MODEL AGAIN, YOU KNOW?)

At any rate, which direction does this debut of Stalker take me in? Does it push me closer to the edge, or endear itself to me a lil’ more? In short — ehhhhh. To be fair… the premise of Dylan McDermott, tried and true TV champ (let’s not hold Hostages against him, eh?), and CW-fave Maggie Q figuring out the motivations and patterns of stalkers and bringing them to justice is not terrible. I thought there might be potential for zzzzzzz-boringness, but this strikes all kinds of right chords — tension, and anxiety and FEAR and sympathy and OMG-I’M-SWEATING-ARE-YOU-SWEATING-I’M-SO-AFRAID. A few things I could do without here — Maggie Q’s risque necklines are off-putting and the resulting sexual tension between her and new guy McDermott is unnecessary and frustrating. But more importantly, HOW many shows do we need on television with this level of VIOLENCE? That opening sequence where the woman was stalked outside her home, doused with gasoline and lit on fire in her car… before it blew up? That was some scary-movie stuff. That was some Scream-style stuff. How comfortable am I that we’re in an era of television where this stuff is commonplace? Not super.

Like its lead-in, Criminal Minds, this show could verrrrrry easily get more and more invested in one-upping itself and start going off the rails. It could be just a matter of weeks before we start talking about guys using people’s LIMBS as fetish objects (CRIMINAL MINDS, WHAT IN THE GOOD HELL? I CAN’T EVEN TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW), and then I might need to reassess. Kevin Williamson is the creator of the show, so therein miiiiiight be indication of where things are going — let’s hope the twisted (and iffy?) trajectory of The Following doesn’t transfer over just yet… and maybe we can leave some of the Scream theatrics aside too? Eh?

For now… I’m… tentatively “in.”

Final thought: And I thiiiiiiink my terrified roommate is in, too. Cuz what’s up, you need a buddy on this one, amirite?

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ZEEK 4 EVA. (Photo courtesy NBC)


PARENTHOOD
NBC | Thursday | 10:00 p.m.

Oh my god, NBC, mark my wooooooords — if you kill off Zeek Braverman in this final season of my favorite show on TV… I will never watch your network AGAIN! I WILL SWEAR OFF ALL OF YOUR CRAPPY STUFF FOREVER! I don’t even think I’m kidding. I think I’m totes capable of holding this grudge! FOREVER! Because you wouldn’t DARE, would you? YOU CAN’T. YOU WOULDN’T. I don’t think…

You were scared too, right? I mean… this was a possibility. All of those little teases about the Bravermans having to face “their biggest challenge” yet and crap? It was always gonna be about Zeek’s health. They’ve tried to toss this out as a threat a few times before. But now, when we’re in the home stretch, and we’re only going to get a shortened season anyway… Just don’t do this. DON’T DO IT. I need Zeek to finish this six-season journey with me. I can’t cope without him. I want to send all of my fave Bravermans off into the sunset in the HAPPIEST OF SCENARIOS. Mmmkay? Let’s agree to that, k?

So where do they all stand NOW? Wellllllll…

Adam and Kristina’s school is officially off the ground (with some late-night saving from Joel the Plumber — because, OMG, perf dude). After some coaxing, lil’ Max is even on board! What trouble will befall this duo this season? Maybe it’d be nice to just see them exist for awhile, eh? Haddie is dreamily talking about European adventures with her girlfriend. And that little one… where was she?

Jasmine and Crosby thus far have zero to do, except watch Aida take her first steps! And she’s beautiful and so big! One question — remember how we had that whole, weird, kinda-awkward convo last season about Aida being super white? That was swept under the rug, eh? Continuity schmontinuity. Whatevs, this baby is adorable! Go little family!

JULIA. Julia is hot and heavy with some OTHER GUY (make a decision, sleazebag — j/k/j/k but I no want to watch Julia sow any variety of oat, y’hear?). I have to assume that Julia and Joel back together is still the end game, but let’s just go ahead and get that back on track ASAP, okay? Listen, listen, I know you all got kinda bent outta shape on J-dawg last season because he took his anger a little further than perhaps was warranted. BUT LOOK AT HIS LIL PUPPY DOG EYES! He wants back innn — and based on the fact that Julia’s new dude seems kinda scummy and ISN’T AS PUPPY DOGGY, well… END GAME, GUYZ.

AMBER IS PREGNANT. And she’ll keep it. And Sarah will be shocked and not sure how she feels and then she’ll accept everything and be great and everything will be fine. How many times do we have to see Amber struggle through big, messy things? This poor little gal. I mean, obvs they know that Mae Whitman is a champion emoter and cryer, and that is why everything happens to Amber. But f’real. The question is — do we want Amber to end up with RYAN? I’m not sold… And if that’s not in the plan, then… where’s the happy ending for our Ambers? ………………………….

Sarah and Hank………… bleh.

ZEEK. First off, Camille and Zeek being back in sync is SUCH a relief, and gosh everything feels better when they are getting along and supporting one another. Health scare, though? NOT THE EFF ON BOARD. Never gonna be okay with this idea. I mean, let’s talk about Camille? No offense, but if I am being forced to make sacrifices, I HAVE A COUPLE THAT I MIGHT MAKE FIRST. (I love you Bravermans! But c’mon — some of you are better than others!)

So we’re back where we started. Nobody mess with Zeek. NOBODY. GOT IT?

Final thought: How ya feelin’ as this sixth and final season starts?

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Don’t worry, they said we’re NOT like Nick & Jess! (Photo courtesy FOX)


THE MINDY PROJECT
FOX | Tuesday | 9:30 p.m.

Soooo, I feel obligated — as someone who originally hated even the IDEA of Mindy and Danny together in any way, shape or form — to eat my words. THAT’S RIGHT, I thought this was gonna be the worst move EVER for this show. Granted, we’re only two weeks in… But so far? They are making this work. Not just making it work — but excelling at it?? It’s not taking away from the show in any way, and it’s EXPANDING the scope and likability of the characters. (Like, has that ever even happened on a show?) New Girl, take some tips, yo.

Take, for example, tonight’s episode, in which Danny’s long-mentioned, never-revealed “Ma” made her first appearance. Sure, it took our focus away from the practice and those other characters (and that’s one beef — MORE PETER PLZ RIGHT NOW), but this story was hysterical! AND, we saw a sorta-adult like Mindy for maybe only the first or second time, amirite? She defended Danny like an adult, and then dealt with his mom in such a real way! Go Mindy! Our Mindy is growing uppp… which might indicate that this is some Real Deal stuff, guys. And I’m shocking myself SO MUCH by being totally on board.

Elsewhere, Tamra IS kinda bumming me out on Morgan so far this season (I mean, Tamra is the huge oversight on this show, development-wise — and why is that still happening? and how can we fix it? and WHEN will we fix it?). Jeremy is like MIA, when he isn’t banging Peter’s girlfriend? Peter needs to start sleeping around so he feels back to normal (?). Richie is still adorable!

And Danny — Danny Castellano is, I think, here we go… my favorite character on TV at this point. He’s authentic, he’s got all these little layers we’re still sorting out, and this episode solidified just how perfect and not-perfect he is. His face when his mom didn’t like the stove? His face when his mom complimented the stove?! Dead. I died. Chris Messina does SO much with Danny, and a character that could probably seem caricature-ish and dumb is just WHOA. Just, like, the whole show in a character. He’s the best.

Final thought: The Mindy Project > New Girl. Vote! Whaddya think?

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